Reject Guilt And Shame. Normalize Life.
2019, Communication, Courage, Emotional Health, Fear, Health, Identity, Life, Mental Health, Self-Care, Self-Help, social media
I’m leaning into transparency and vulnerability today.
I want to apologize.
Life is hard. I don’t look at the world through rose colored lenses. I don’t think anyone should. I think you should work towards the life you want until you see the life you want. While I believe you can choose to be happy; I know it’s more nuanced than just deciding. For my friends and readers who are living with depression and anxiety. I see you. I am you.
Relationships, Friendship, Self-Help, Haters gonna hate, Self-worth
It’s time for some self-reflection. Hold up the mirror and hold that person accountable for the negative emotions felt when other people experience happiness you think belongs to you. The real problem might be that you spend too much time watching the moves of others when you should be making your own.
2018, Children, Career Goals, Courage, Communication, Fear, Identity, Life, Love, Parenting, Relationships, Self-Care, Support Others
In our current society we are becoming so removed from the people around us. Authentic relationships are suffering because we prefer texts over a five minute conversation to say “I miss you and I love”. Our children are being raised by YouTube and the Disney channel. Some of that is because we need help, but for whatever reason don’t ask for it. Thank God for friends who will come get my children or who bring theirs to me. Your circle of influence extends to your children.
2018, Children, Communication, Career Goals, Identity, Life, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationships, Self-Care, Self-Help, Self-worth, Support Others, Work
I don’t know where people get the idea that we have nothing to do or we’d rather be doing something else. I literally cannot think of the last time I was bored at home. Also, the idea that SAHM’s have “settled” or given up on their dreams. Look into my eyes: We are not being held against our will. I don’t need to qualify my life to you. Worry about your deferred dreams. #JudgeYourOwnSelf
Grief, Christmas, Holidays, Death, music
"Grief is the price we pay for love."
-Queen Elizabeth II
I was enjoying music as I often do when it struck me that I hadn’t listened to Ed Sheeran in a while. So I went to his album and chose one of my favorite songs on it. Supermarket Flowers. My dad, also a music lover, was the one who introduced me to this song. I immediately loved it. Yes it’s melancholy, but it’s beautiful. Music is about more than a beat. So I’m always here for whatever it makes me feel. I just didn’t expect to feel it in the McDonald’s drive-thru.
I experienced my first really great loss in many years this summer. Did I just quantify death? Yes. Yes I did. If we’re honest there are levels to everything… even the feelings we have for people in death. Anyway, she was an amazing woman. An elder, a mentor and also my friend. My dear friend. So I’m listening to this song and then I feel that thing in my throat and the sting in my eye right after I ordered hotcakes for Blake. “Are you gonna cry, Stephanie? Yes, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” File that exchange under conversations with myself. Lyrically, the song is just… Whew!
“A heart that’s broke is a heart thats been loved”
“And I know that when God took you back he said Hallelujah. You’re home.”
My God!!! We’re lucky I didn’t have to call my husband to come get me from that drive-thru. There’s so much to unpack in the first lyric. We have to pay a price; don’t we? If we love wholly and are loved wholly when that love ends it’s gonna hurt. And it’s gonna hurt badly. Knowing what I know about that hard truth I’m still gonna love hard as I can. Because those 12 years we had together… even just the last 3 or 4… they were worth every single time I’ve picked up the phone forgetting she wouldn’t be there on the other end… worth every tear I was able to swallow back and worth every one that leapt from my eyelid and ran down my cheek. Love is always worth it. Even with its’ sometimes shitty expiration date.
As we lumber towards the most joyous time of the year. We must be aware that what brings joy to others may usher in a very real pain for others. I try to be mindful of this every year, but especially this year when I am missing my friend. When her loving husband, children, grandchildren and other friends are thinking about what this new normal is going to be like. I cannot count the number of people I have seen grieving great losses this year. It lead me to think… what can I do to help? What can we do to help?
Checking in on friends who are grieving is a great way to let them know they are not alone. After all, loneliness, the feeling that no one understands is a large part of grief. And it’s true. We don’t understand and we shouldn’t assert such. The loss of my grandmother is not the same as the loss of yours. It is disrespectful to claim understanding. Instead, ask: What can I do? Would you like some company? Do you have plans for the holiday? Do you wanna hang with me? Also, this isn't about you. Realize that you could offer yourself up as a soft place to land and your offer may get declined. Respect that.
All sorts of emotions get stirred up during the holiday season. Be there for who you can when you can. And in the middle of it all remember to live the life you’ve been given as completely as possible. For me, that’s how we truly honor those who have gone on before us. And listen, love is a verb. Love those you say you love. When it’s over it’s over. As for my friend, I know when God took her back He said, Hallelujah. I know she’s home— and that…. that brings me joy. Give love. Be loved. Live this life fully. Choose you. Until next time…. Merry Christmas. Love y’all.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences.
Spread love, Support Others, Love, Haters gonna hate, Self-Help
"Love somebody. Just one person. And then spread that to two. And as many as you can. You'll see the difference it makes."
-Auntie Oprah Winfrey
Today, I’m wondering what’s on the inside of people. I’m reflecting on why humans lack humanity. Oh! The irony. Why is it easier to get in the negativity, the drama of life as opposed to the celebration of it. Particularly, on social media. Why do people watch videos that amuse them, but refuse to support a friend by hitting the like button? Why do videos have 330 views and 8 likes? Hey…. Somebody help me with the math. What is the probability that 330 individuals watched a video, but only 8 people liked it? If I’m honest, which I am… this is one of the areas of social media that grinds my gears. Why is it so difficult to show love and support for people that you actually know? How can a person post positivity and receive little to no support; then post negativity and be flooded with “support”?
Funny thing happened. Not funny funny, but funny like…. Things that make you go hmmmmmm. So one of my Facebook friends makes a post about a negative experience she had with a client. The client was displeased with her purchase and blasted the business on related social media pages. ARGH! Saying it was a mess would be putting it mildly. For the sake of full disclosure; I have used this business in the past and look forward to using it in the future. All of my experiences have been AWESOME. I’m getting away from the point. What is the point? Lemme finish the story and then I’ll get to the point a couple hundred words from now. Whatever. Judge your own self.
So, after the post was made she received hundreds of comments. The comments said everything from let’s whoop this trick together… to telling the business owner the post was unprofessional and she should remove it… to the ever useful… just pray about it. *insert side eye*. Anyway, I’m amazed. Not necessarily by the content of the comments, but more by the sheer volume of them. Why? Because I have been fb friends with this person for about five years and I have NEVER witnessed her receive even a third of this level of interaction on any other post. This revelation made me angry, annoyed and well… sad. Why Stephanie?
99% of what this business owner posts is positive. She primarily posts about her business and the success of her beloved child. She posts specials, she makes inquires about expanding her business and shares the success of her business. Each of these positive posts receive a handful of likes and comments in comparison to the one negative post. Now it’s my turn. WHY??? When she posts that it’s time for her to expand; why doesn’t she get 300 likes? When she posts pictures of the literal fruits of her labor; why doesn’t she get an engaged audience who wants to discuss how amazing her work is for days? I mean…. That’s what happened on the negative post. The fb community discussed it for DAYS.
And trust… I’m sitting on no fb friend moral high horse. I have witnessed this behavior on many pages. A wife posts photos of the beautiful “just because” lilies her husband sent her. CRICKETS!!! Let that same husband black her damn eye! Here they come out of the woodwork with their regrets and prayers. What is wrong with us as a society? Why are we so drawn to negativity? Why is it so easy to scroll past the love, the joy, the success? Why the begrudging of celebration? Lean in… Did you know that you can be happy for yourself and someone else at the same time? Better yet… Did you know your life can suck like a Hoover vacuum and you can still be happy for other people? HELLO??? Happiness for yourself and happiness for others is not mutually exclusive. You can do both at the same time. In fact, you might see the joy you extend to other folks manifest in your own life… But what do I know?
The point of it all, *in my Anthony Hamilton voice*, is to let the love out. When you catch yourself scrolling past the joy to get to the drama; check yourself. I was deeply disheartened by the behavior on my fb friends page because I know she’s a wonderful person. She, like all of us, deserves to be acknowledged, celebrated, encouraged and rooted for whether its raining or if the sun is shining. All I’m saying is… Don’t wait until someone is in the middle of a storm to offer your support. Some of us might start to think you were carrying your umbrella all along.
Hey! That’s all I got. Until next time… Choose you and don’t pass up positivity; spread it. Love y'all.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences.