"There are no strangers here; only friends you haven't yet met."
-William Butler Yeats
You need new friends and not just for the reason you might think. The obvious reason for needing new friends is that your current ones aren’t that great at friendship. That’s definitely a primary reason. Still, there are several other reasons that should cause you to seek or at least welcome new relationships.
I previously mentioned that at one time I relished the idea of “No New Friends”. I loved being able to say I had 20+ year friendships. It felt like a victory. Now, I’m more focused on the quality of the years as opposed to the quantity. I’m so grateful for growth in this area. Unfortunately, I am sure I missed out on some special relationships because I wouldn’t entertain new people.
Also, I have strong introvert tendencies. Couple that with the fear of being hurt and you’ve got a perfect recipe for “no new friends”. I have been delivered from the fear of being hurt by people. Hallelujah! Thank you, Jesus! It’s inevitable that people will disappoint me and maybe even hurt me… I just get to decide who and for how long.
Now, I’m still not at a place where I’m necessarily looking for new friends, but I do welcome them. Anybody can have a chance to do life with me. I don’t shut people out anymore. All are welcome. Still, the moment you show me who you are…. Like Auntie Maya Angelou; I believe you.
I honor lasting, strong, loving, respectful and mutually beneficial relationships. Still, don’t close your heart to new opportunities for friendship. Be open to the possibilities.
Three Reasons To Make New Friends— Part One
Sometimes you need a new lens. We tend to naturally gravitate towards people with similar ideals. Alternatively, sometimes our ideals become similar to the people we spend time with. So, if everyone is always in agreement; who is challenging your thought process? New friends change things up. They think new thoughts and say new things in new ways. They offer a fresh perspective. You need this. You need to see people, challenges and experiences through a different lens.
When I was a mother of three, and still trying to make my life perfect; I developed a friendship with a colleague. She also had children and wanted to meet for playdates. Well, I never left home to go in public with all three of them alone at once because…. Why the hell would anyone do that??? She changed my entire view and helped me gain the confidence to venture outside the home with my children. Her time in my life caused me to rethink what motherhood looked like in action in public. My other friends couldn’t do that because as people without children— their view was different.
It Takes a Village. Listen. It takes a village. The end. Sometimes, I’m late picking up my daughter from… everywhere. It’s a character flaw. I’m working on it. Anyway, guess who isn’t gonna leave my baby until I show up? That’s right! One of my newer friends. Just yesterday I received a call from a friend about a phone app our daughters use. He was making sure that I was aware of some functions on the app that were not age appropriate. Another friend, is employing my son around his house for yard work and other odds and ends.
In our current society we are becoming so removed from the people around us. Authentic relationships are suffering because we prefer texts over a five minute conversation to say “I miss you and I love”. Our children are being raised by YouTube and the Disney channel. Some of that is because we need help, but for whatever reason don’t ask for it. Thank God for friends who will come get my children or who bring theirs to me.
Your circle of influence extends to your children. Your children might not feel comfortable talking to you about something, but they will talk to Uncle or Auntie So and So. Encourage this. I don’t want to raise my children in a bubble. Instead, I want to cultivate meaningful relationships to grow a circle of influence that will positively impact my family.
Level up. This may not be popular. Welp. Here goes…. If you’re at the top of your friendship food chain in terms of financial and professional success you’re doing it wrong. It’s not even about the money. It’s about all the knowledge, hard work, motivation and experience it takes to acquire and sustain it. You need people around you who do that better than you. I know. I know. This is a hard one. People feel guilty for wanting and attaining success. Knock it off. Having financial resources is AWESOME. The only people trying to convince you otherwise don’t have any. Boom. Get you some friends who inspire you. Get you some friends you can learn from and who want to teach you. This may require you to seek friendship from folks who are older than you. Do it.
Now, don’t go telling everybody Stephanie said dump your broke friends. Hell, you might be the broke friend. Hee hee! I don’t want anybody to be dumped, but I am 100 percent here for leveling up. And my goal is to be a level up to someone. Make no mistake. This isn’t about positioning or social climbing. It is about surrounding yourself with people who have brought to fruition things that are currently a vision to you. The best directions come from folks who have already been where you desire to be. Never forget.
That’s it. Y’all know I have more. Next time. Friendships are near and dear to my heart. Some folks have never experienced true friendship, but are afraid of seeking new relationships because the familiar is comfortable even when it’s shitty. Smile at someone. Offer the invitation of friendship with a warm greeting and an open heart. I have been richly blessed since I let down my guard and opened my heart. Join me.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences.
-Stephanie