respect

Celebration, 2019, Communication, Death, Family, Friendship, Emotional Health, Grief, Life, Love, Relationships

Funerals: A Display of Love or Regret???

Stephanie Pearson-Davis ·

I returned to my thoughts from the funeral I attended days before. Why are we more compelled to spend time celebrating a persons shell rather than the actual living person? How are we showing up in the lives of people we say we love while they are still living?

I guess I just want us all to think about the cost of being too busy. Too busy for a phone call, too busy to visit, too busy to have lunch, too busy to sit a while longer, too busy, too busy, too busy…  

KD Bowe, an Atlanta radio personality made a Facebook post, on 1.24.13 following the death of his mother. I will never forget his words. It reads in part:

“At this stage in my life, I just stay busy. The ironic thing is I did in death what I could never seem to find time to do in life … I made time to come home for a week.”

I imagine his mom would have preferred he come home for a week while she wasn’t laying in a casket… he clearly does too. This is no indictment on KD Bowe. No shame. No guilt. He is living his choices. Still, it begs the question…

Why do we make time for dead people and excuses for the living?

2019, Communication, Emotional Health, Family, Friendship, Life, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Self-Care, Self-Help

Simmering: The Perfect Strategy to Burn Your Relationship

Stephanie Pearson-Davis ·

The entire cast is stellar, but I absolutely do have my favorite characters. Randall and Beth, otherwise known as R&B, are my dream characters. I see my husband and I in both of them. And isn’t referring to them as R&B, i.e. Rhythm and Blues, totally appropriate? Yesssss. Because sometimes marriage is all Ain’t Nobody(Chaka Khan) and other times it’s more End of the Road(Boys II Men). You feel me?? 

The last few weeks have almost exclusively focused on Randall and Beth. I’ve had some loving, harsh words for Randall recently. I love him SO much, but bruh has been T R Y I N G it. I’ll admit I lost faith in faith in him. I wasn’t sure his love for Beth was greater than his need to be seen and valued by the masses. His abandonment issues have always left him striving for worthiness outside of himself.

I’m so happy I was wrong. The sigh that escaped my body was definitely audible when I realized the two would find their way back to each other. They found the door. Even as a fictional couple, I understand the impact of authentic representation.

2019, Communication, Courage, Emotional Health, Family, Friendship, Identity, Marriage, Relationships, Self-Care, Self-Help

How To Find Your Self Without Losing Your Spouse

Stephanie Pearson-Davis ·

Then, something broke in me as I approached my 40’s. I remember telling a dear friend, “I just feel so open.” I didn’t even understand the extent to which I was open and how my life would change as a result. I just felt the opening so strongly. And it wasn’t that I didn’t care what other people wanted or thought. It was more that what I wanted and thought was finally my priority. It was as if everything I was suppressing refused to remain submerged. My heart and mind insisted on BEING in the way God initially created me. I remembered who I was and I refused to abandon her again.

2019, Career Goals, Children, Communication, Courage, Death, Education, Emotional Health, Family, Fear, Goals, Grief, Identity, Life, Love, Parenting, Race, Relationships, Self-Care, Television, Work

This Is Us.... Growing Up Black

Stephanie Pearson-Davis ·

Growing up Black is a be seen and not heard kind of existence. In my experience, to find a Black child with the authority to fully BE, in the presence of adults is the exception; not the rule. Control, rules, excellence and respectability are major components of the Black child rearing experience. Black children need to grow up with their shit together. This didn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s a direct result of slavery, Jim Crow, the Civil Rights Era and a post racial America *side eye*. The privilege of speaking about anything at anytime was snatched from us and whipped out of us on slave ships, auction blocks, in the fields and in the big house. 

Saying the “wrong” thing or being at the “wrong” place at that time could get an adult or even a child, literally killed— It still can. We have too many examples. Being seen and not heard is not a simplified way to parent; it’s a safety mechanism. Part of the Black experience is simply trying to keep your children alive in a way that it isn’t true for other races. The same is true of how we are steered towards career choices. Careers that are perceived as frivolous, i.e. dancer, artist or musician are not routinely supported.

Children, Celebration, 2018, Abuse, Communication, Education, Family, Holidays, Life, Love, Parenting

Holiday Hugging: Consent Isn't Just For Adults

Stephanie Pearson-Davis ·

It is our job to combat misogyny, toxic masculinity, predatory behavior and rape culture by educating and empowering children. Talk to them about predatory behavior and grooming. Tell them, age appropriately, what these creeps say and do… Wait. Obviously, parental discretion should be used, but nothing predators do or say is age appropriate. 

Tell your children the truth.

Tell your them what predators say and how they manipulate.

And for God’s sake stop insisting your kids hug and kiss everybody. What if I told you— YOU are grooming your own child for predators. You are the biggest obstacle to your child’s understanding that permission to touch their body can only be given by them.

2018, Children, Communication, Career Goals, Identity, Life, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationships, Self-Care, Self-Help, Self-worth, Support Others, Work

Stay At Home Moms: A Read For Those Who Don't Get It

Stephanie Pearson-Davis ·

I don’t know where people get the idea that we have nothing to do or we’d rather be doing something else.  I literally cannot think of the last time I was bored at home.  Also, the idea that SAHM’s have “settled” or given up on their dreams.  Look into my eyes:  We are not being held against our will. I don’t need to qualify my life to you.  Worry about your deferred dreams. #JudgeYourOwnSelf

5 Easy Ways To Turn Down The Jerk In You- With Love, Stephanie

Stephanie Pearson-Davis ·

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Take care, be kind, be considerate of other people and other species, and be loving.

-John Lithgow

You don’t want to be a jerk anymore? Wonderful. What’s the problem? What's keeping you from being great? The problem is most people who engage in poor behavior don’t know they’re acting a donkey or they don’t know how to stop. Well, I got you. The following is a quick go to list of how to be a better you. You’re welcome.

1.    Don’t Walk Your Dog Without Doggy-do Bags

I’m saying…. What if humans walked around dropping deuces everywhere?  We don’t.  Why? Because it’s disgusting and unsanitary.  Your dog is no better than a human. Again… your dog is no better than a human.  In fact, the last time our kids asked for a dog; we had another baby. They’re less work. If you have an aversion to picking up excrement please excuse yourself from both parenting and dog ownership. I mean- I don’t want to step in your doggy’s do or have my child grab a cartwheel hand full of dog shit anymore than human excrement. It’s waste. There is a place for your dogs poo. Those places do not include my yard or ANY public place.

2.    Don’t Select An Aisle Seat

Yes! Aisle seats are convenient. You didn’t hear it here first. You know because of experience. When you sit on the aisle you can move freely without guilt. You don’t have to consider that you will have to say excuse me to 50-11 people prior to your move to go potty, grab a snack or take a phone call. THAT SAID… do not get your undies in a bunch when the “insiders” wanna get out.  We have all experienced the deep breathing, eye rollers who get annoyed when they have to get up every time someone wants to exit. I used to consider how badly I needed to leave the aisle if I witnessed an aisle person getting annoyed. Not anymore. You choose you lose.

3.    Sitcho Ass Down

I’m allowed to have two or more seemingly contradictory thoughts at the same time. I’m complex like that.  Look, life is just better if we consider the feelings of others as we traverse daily life. If you choose an inside seat don’t try to accumulate all of your activity tracker steps after the show has started. People around you will hate you.  They will wish split ends, ashy ankles and stubbed toes on you. And those wishes will be granted because you, my friend, are an inconsiderate asshole. Sitcho ass down.

4.    Don’t Stare

What. Are. You. Looking. At?  I squint my eyes, tilt my head, twist my lips ever so slightly and say those words when I find that someone is staring at me. Staring is rude folks. Harmless?Maybe. Rude? Definitely. I get it. Some people are intriguing. You find yourself wanting a better, longer look and you hold your gaze for just longer than what’s appropriate. So what’s appropriate? Three seconds. It’s what I’ve taught my children. Three seconds. That’s it. That’s all you get. So what if you need more time? They have rainbow hair, they’re rocking a unibrow that’s thicker than Alaga syrup or like me; they’re gorgeous. You need more time. Worry not. You have choices. I’ll give you the best two for free. Smile and/or say some variation of “Hello”. Speak to the person! For goodness sake! Things don’t have to get weird. 

5.    Move Your Mango *insider*

I am a reasonable individual. It’s ok that you’ve been to McDonald’s a thousand times and you still don’t know what you want when it’s your turn to order. You get no judgement from me on that front. Here’s where you and I fall out. I’m behind you in line knowing what I want. Each time you turn your head to the right and left as you review the unchanging menu to reassess the desires of your palette— I think about all the ways that you should be repaid for your disregard of your fellow man and woman. Split ends, stubbed toes, cold fries, no dipping sauce for your nuggets, red lights the entire way home, insomnia, hang nails, constipation, ashy ankles, no toilet tissue in your stall… I could go on and so could those folks waiting behind me. If you don’t know what you want step aside, move your mango to the left or to the right and let the rest of us move forward in gluttony.

Here’s the bottom line, friends. It comes down to mutual respect and consideration for those around you.  When you think about it, any conflict gets boiled down to mutual respect and consideration. Jerky folks rarely have these attributes. So, if you recognized yourself in this short list know that’s it’s time to make a change. That’s it for now folks. But because there’s no shortage; I will extend this list as I see people do new assholely things. Hey! Choose you. Today and everyday. Love y’all. See you soon.

I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences.

-Stephanie