“A person’s a person, no matter how small.”
-Dr. Seuss
Today we are knocking down the door to the holiday season. Thanksgiving is here! There are many folks that will spend the day on social media and or at home debating the origins of this holiday. There will be discussions or tongue lashings about Native Americans and Pilgrims and whether it is disingenuous to change a day that is a universal reminder of the degradation of Americas first settlers into a day of gratitude.
I, for one, believe any celebration of Thanksgiving that depicts Native Americans and Pilgrims as the Get-A-Long Gang is historically inaccurate and disrespectful to Native Americans everywhere and to their ancestors who died as direct result of the colonization of America. I have explained to my children the historic context of Thanksgiving. They understand.
I believe we have transcended Thanksgiving to be a time of love, appreciation and gratitude.
We get time off from work and school… why not use it as a time to come together in love and kindness? The complete opposite of the outcome of Thanksgivings origins is appreciation, acceptance, respect and love. I look for opportunities to evolve and inject joy wherever I can… Thanksgiving is as good a time as any to spread joy.
As we embark on this holiday season there will be many family and friend heavy activities with loads of people who you and your family wouldn’t otherwise come in contact. House parties get particularly tricky because it is unfamiliar and also very casual. Alcohol is often flowing and folks are relaxed and you don’t keep tabs on your children as you typically would in say a restaurant or banquet setting. I’m beating around the bush. Let me just spit it out.
Protect your babies. Be their advocate.
I don’t want to be Debbie Downer this holiday season. I just want you to be aware and vigilant. Predators are everywhere. They are the family of people you love or friends of people you respect. They may even be members of your own family. Toxic masculinity is at an all time high; evidenced by so much of what is going on in current events.
It is our job to combat misogyny, toxic masculinity, predatory behavior and rape culture by educating and empowering children. Talk to them about predatory behavior and grooming. Tell them, age appropriately, what these creeps say and do… Wait. Obviously, parental discretion should be used, but nothing predators do or say is age appropriate.
Tell your children the truth.
Tell your them what predators say and how they manipulate.
And for God’s sake stop insisting your kids hug and kiss everybody. What if I told you— YOU are grooming your own child for predators. You are the biggest obstacle to your child’s understanding that permission to touch their body can only be given by them.
I do believe children should offer a verbal greeting when they enter someone’s home, but that’s it. If your child wants to hug someone they won’t require your prompting. We have been conditioned to do certain things that are wrong. We need to acknowledge our own socialization steeped in patriarchy, but reinforced by Mommas everywhere. Momma, you don’t ned to explain why your child doesn’t want to hug or kiss. They just don’t. It is what it is.
No need to apologize or feel embarrassed when your child rejects the affections of others.
Their body. Their choice. Their consent. Don’t compromise them.
And while we’re on the subject of other people… Adults… Yeah… Ummmm… stop being so easily offended and wounded by the rejection of children… or ANYONE. I meannnn… I have never wanted to hug or kiss anyone who wasn’t interested in hugging or kissing me. Why is this so difficult?
Children are adults who haven’t yet been accosted by time. Time is what separates us. Children have opinions, wants, emotions and needs just like adults. You cannot teach them about the boogie man and how to avoid him in your absence and then push them into the arms of people who make them feel in a way in which they cannot articulate. Like… who do you think the boogie man is?
I want everyone to enjoy this holiday season of celebration. I also want you to rethink what respect looks like coming from a child. Then, reflect on how you need to evolve as a parent to give your child the best protection against victimization. Our babies are depending on us.
I love y’all. Happy Thanksgiving.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences. -Stephanie