The new year is here. We’re over a week into 2020 and things are moving along swimmingly. For me, 2019 was a humdinger for sure and I made it… so did you. There’s victory in that. Sometimes, we get so excited about new opportunities and expectations that we neglect to give weight and respect to what we’ve already made it through.
We don’t want to keep our eyes fixed on the rearview mirror, BUT every now and again you need to take a glance. Let it show you what you made it through, the ways you conquered things that were trying to conquer you and let it all paint a picture of your accomplishments and work that still needs to be done.
To that end, I want to walk us through things we need to do to elevate ourselves in the next year and beyond. Some of these things are written specifically with me in mind and some are for you, but they’ll all work together for our good.
It is our job to combat misogyny, toxic masculinity, predatory behavior and rape culture by educating and empowering children. Talk to them about predatory behavior and grooming. Tell them, age appropriately, what these creeps say and do… Wait. Obviously, parental discretion should be used, but nothing predators do or say is age appropriate.
Tell your children the truth.
Tell your them what predators say and how they manipulate.
And for God’s sake stop insisting your kids hug and kiss everybody. What if I told you— YOU are grooming your own child for predators. You are the biggest obstacle to your child’s understanding that permission to touch their body can only be given by them.
As I began to reflect; expectation boiled down to two things: Vulnerability and Trust.
We have previously discussed vulnerability. I have written about its’ importance and the strength we find when we embrace vulnerability. Yet, here I was beating myself up for being vulnerable… for opening myself up to disappointment. This is why I say, “I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences.”I’m no master at this. I’m struggling and growing and learning just like you. I stand out only because I share my experiences; not because I’ve mastered them.
We need to re-contextualize strength. Like, what does it even mean to be “the strong one”?
Because it is NOT the absence of fear or pain or desire or disappointment. I believe that we have, in error, taken a patriarchal view of strength and applied it to our emotional sensibilities in an effort to make us appear less weak. They told us that strength and weakness cannot dwell in the same space. Men, for too long, set the expectation for tolerable behavior for women. Women are killing themselves to meet it. And women are cosigning this behavior. It must stop.
I am trying to negotiate an understanding of literal strength, figurative strength and the reality of my actual strength. What does it look like? What does it feel like? How have I previously misunderstood and in turn misrepresented strength. I am currently being forced to confront these feelings of wanting to be strong, solvent and also having to embrace that pieces of me breaking.
I will discuss shame and guilt often during our walk together. I see shame and guilt together as one dangerous pandemic… heart disease. The implications are far-reaching and catastrophic in their impact. Guilt and shame affect our worthiness… the essence of who we are as individuals. They tell us that we were complicit in what happened and in the manner in which it occurred. As such, we should be forever enslaved by the choices of our past. We don’t deserve joy. We don’t deserve peace. We don’t deserve restoration.
Of course those are all lies. Unfortunately, not enough people know this.
