“Stop betraying your own interest.”
-Stephanie
The new year is here. We’re over a week into 2020 and things are moving along swimmingly. For me, 2019 was a humdinger for sure and I made it… so did you. There’s victory in that. Sometimes, we get so excited about new opportunities and expectations that we neglect to give weight and respect to what we’ve already made it through.
We don’t want to keep our eyes fixed on the rearview mirror, BUT every now and again you need to take a glance. That glance will show you what you made it through and the ways you conquered things that were trying to conquer you. Let it all paint a picture of your accomplishments and work that still needs to be done.
To that end, what needs work? Evolution is ongoing and because we know that perfection is a myth; there are always opportunities for growth. So, how do we elevate?
STOP BETRAYING YOUR OWN INTEREST.
It came in so strong. I knew it would be my 2020 focus, but it felt too big and not specific enough. I needed smaller pieces to chew. Often, we cannot properly digest food for thought because the pieces we attempt to consume are too big and we just can’t get it down. Here are a few bite-sized pieces.
Be.
Stop making yourself small to fit. I live in a small-ish town that is roughly 5% Black. I don’t fit in anywhere. I stand out everywhere. I always have an awareness about it. Particularly, after being so vocal about bullying in our area and the lack of diversity in our school district. It’s a safety issue. I could not imagine trying to fit in or shrink my Blackness in order to be accepted or to make others feel for comfortable. I am my primary priority. So, I stand taller and take up more space in environments that would use my difference to suffocate me. The same goes for your intelligence, personality and beauty. Be BOLD. Stand in the fullness of whoever you are, however you are and BE.
Ask.
If you want it and someone else has the power to give it to you— Ask for it. This is another layer of walking in boldness. My friend and I were laughing the other day about something she asked for, just testing waters, and received. The reason we don’t receive is because we don’t ask. The reason we don’t ask is because we don’t feel worthy. Why not you? What What do you want that you haven’t asked for? Why don’t you feel worthy? You deserve everything good. Go get it!
Do the Work.
This is so straight forward. You gotta do the work. Some things can be outsourced, but this ain’t one of ‘em. The soul work… the physical work… you just gotta do it. Can we all admit that we prefer the outcome, the rewards of the work more than the actual work? I’ll admit it. I want to see a body 75 lbs lighter, but I do not want to sweat and I don’t want to eat grass and tree bark. I would love to hire someone to do those things and watch my body become more healthy, but it don’t work like that. In this area, I haven’t physically manifested my ideas for a more healthy body because I don’t want to do the work. Therapy is a wonderful tool for learning how to do your work. Seriously, can we all go to therapy in 2020?
Sometimes the work is easy. Sometimes the work is hard. All times, the work is ours.
Surrender.
We need to chill. The number of times I have caught myself holding on tightly to everyone’s reins. It feels like I’m doing it for a great reason. I want everyone to be successful and I don’t want anyone to hurt themselves on their journey. So, I grab the reins, tell them what to do when and perfection abounds; right? No; not right. Very wrong. First, how is anyone on a journey that belongs to them if I’m holding the reins. Second, how the hell am I even holding all these reins and maintaining my mental health? Also, who has MY reins?
I am the primary priority in my life. The only thing within my complete control in me. As you can see, I still struggle in this area even as I do intentional work because I want every body to be alright. Why do I think I’m responsible for that? I cannot control every body or the outcomes associated with them. I am in practice. A work in progress. The choices of other folks, no matter how close we are, is not a reflection of me. Stop being a control freak, Steph! Give in to what the universe has in store for you and those around you.
Release.
Elsa said it best. Let. It. Go. Let them go. Not everything is forever. You’ve heard the cliche’ that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Ya know, cliches get a bad rap. Cliches only become cliches because they are overused. Why are they overused? Because they often apply. I digress.
Too often we make the mistake of letting somebody who should’ve have been present for a singular reason stay for a season. You met them at a party and you should’ve left they ass right there. You didn’t need to exchange numbers. You knew they didn’t fit, but you let them tag along on your journey any way. Then there’s the seasonal folks. You met them in college. Man, y’all kicked it HARD. So many memories. Now you’re 40+. Things are different.. life is different— they are not. Y’all don’t fit anymore. It’s all forced. Let them go.
Remember when I wrote about recycling relationships? I’m not unilaterally saying throw the relationship in the trash. Though sometimes you do need to throw the whole relationship away. I’m saying put it on the shelf, throw it in the recycle bin and see if it turns into something new. Friendships should flow symbiotically. When they become stagnant— Assess. Communicate. Renew or Release.
Let’s do this again next month. I had so much more to write, but I didn’t want to keep you here all day. I’m excited for what’s on the horizon for me and you! Remember! 2020 isn’t just a year. It’s a collection of months, days, hours, seconds and moments. Focus on the moments and watch the year of your dreams materialize.
Wishing you everything good!!!
Stephanie
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences.