I’m Not Your Superwoman

I am human. I am imperfect. I make mistakes. I sometimes need help. The authenticity necessary to acknowledge these truths is my only super power.

-Me

We’re all fascinated by superheroes. I mean… heroes unto themselves are pretty darn special.  They go above and beyond what the world would consider reasonable. They run into burning buildings, fight in wars, keep our cities safe and engage in a plethora of other good deeds.  In other words, heroes are dope. They make you want to be a better person for the good of those you like and love. And they do exist.  Like— in real life. 

Superheroes though? Yeah… no. They come from other planets.  They get bitten by spiders and shoot webs from a part of their bodies where most people just have carpal tunnel. Superheroes turn green, get 100 times larger and burst out of their clothes when they get mad, but still wake up fully clothed after they’ve calmed down.  Funny, that never happens to me. Wanna know why? Because I’m not a superhero. And neither are you… neither are you.

This isn’t the land of make believe and you don’t have the ability to see through walls or leap over buildings in a single bound no matter what your children, spouse, or other people in your life think. I know. I know. The idea of being able to do anything at any time sounds fascinating and productive.  Other people believing you can do anything at any time regardless of circumstances makes you feel important and needed. Look at how proud they are of me doing everything under the sun.  Look at your chest all puffed up with the “S” stamp.  You can’t get enough of the accolades. You feel amped.  You feel invincible.  Thing is…. You’re not.  You are not invincible.  

You cannot do anything at any time regardless of circumstance.  You know who can?  God.  You, my friend, are not God.  I can tell you who you will be if you keep this charade up though.  Resentful.  Yep. Resentful.  And who wants to wear resentment as a badge of honor?  There was a time when I tried to be Superwoman.  I ate it up.  I bathed in it.  I was a superhero to my husband and my children.  When he would say, “You are my Superwoman.” I would just melt. I heard him saying… I value you.  You are magnificent.  What I internalized was:  I can’t stop.  I have to do everything. And I have to feel happy while doing everything.  If not; I was failing as a wife and mother.  What a crock of shit.

When my husband donned me Superwoman and I grinned and loved it; he was in effect absolving himself of his full duty as my husband and as the father of our children.  He was all…. “Look at you doing every-damn-thing and being so great at it.  Go ‘head Superwoman.” And at first I was all… “All shucks, Babe.  I got it.  What else can I do?” And then it got old. Real old. He’s still getting his haircut EVERY week and missing zero social outings? Meanwhile, I was considering shaving my head or growing locs— cuz who has time for hair? Eff this! I started to resent him, his haircuts, his trips to the bathroom alone… EVERYTHING. I was angry at him all the time for doing what I had given him permission to do.

Per usual, you came here for the truth and I’m serving it hot. Open your heart to receive this gift of enlightenment and use it to reflect on the roles you play in your home. You are your own undoing. Miserable as hell.  Smiling through it all. Understand that your projection of ideals associated with what you believe motherhood and marriage should be is harming your mental and emotional health.  It’s also wreaking havoc in your marriage and you don’t even know why. Why does the sound of him breathing annoy me?  What’s taking him so long to get home from work? Why doesn’t he help me? Well… the helping part might be associated with your control issues and the fact that you believe only you can do things right, but I don’t have time to talk to you about that today. Let that sink in though. 

So, what to do??  First, talk to yourself. You’re not perfect. Stop pursuing perfection. Chase progress.  And listen… I don’t give a damn how easy your mother made it look— she was working harder than a one armed paper hanger. I wish my mother had told me just how hard she was working.  I would have liked to appreciate her more as a child. Tell your children when their expectations are unreasonable and HOLD THE LINE. Finally, proclaim it like Karen White did. I’m Not Your Superwoman. Tell him. Your husband needs to here you say, “I’m only human.” Teach your children that momma is good, but she ain’t God.  You need rest.  You need help.  You need affirmation. You need your hair done. And you need to take an unaccompanied dump every now and again. I’m just sayin. Listen… I love y’all. Tell the truth.  Reject the Superwoman narrative. Be transparent… especially to the ones who love you best. And above all else #ChooseYou every chance you get.

I’m not here because I’m an expert.  I’m here because I have experiences. -Stephanie

5 Easy Ways To Turn Down The Jerk In You- With Love, Stephanie

Take care, be kind, be considerate of other people and other species, and be loving.

-John Lithgow

You don’t want to be a jerk anymore? Wonderful. What’s the problem? What's keeping you from being great? The problem is most people who engage in poor behavior don’t know they’re acting a donkey or they don’t know how to stop. Well, I got you. The following is a quick go to list of how to be a better you. You’re welcome.

1.    Don’t Walk Your Dog Without Doggy-do Bags

I’m saying…. What if humans walked around dropping deuces everywhere?  We don’t.  Why? Because it’s disgusting and unsanitary.  Your dog is no better than a human. Again… your dog is no better than a human.  In fact, the last time our kids asked for a dog; we had another baby. They’re less work. If you have an aversion to picking up excrement please excuse yourself from both parenting and dog ownership. I mean- I don’t want to step in your doggy’s do or have my child grab a cartwheel hand full of dog shit anymore than human excrement. It’s waste. There is a place for your dogs poo. Those places do not include my yard or ANY public place.

2.    Don’t Select An Aisle Seat

Yes! Aisle seats are convenient. You didn’t hear it here first. You know because of experience. When you sit on the aisle you can move freely without guilt. You don’t have to consider that you will have to say excuse me to 50-11 people prior to your move to go potty, grab a snack or take a phone call. THAT SAID… do not get your undies in a bunch when the “insiders” wanna get out.  We have all experienced the deep breathing, eye rollers who get annoyed when they have to get up every time someone wants to exit. I used to consider how badly I needed to leave the aisle if I witnessed an aisle person getting annoyed. Not anymore. You choose you lose.

3.    Sitcho Ass Down

I’m allowed to have two or more seemingly contradictory thoughts at the same time. I’m complex like that.  Look, life is just better if we consider the feelings of others as we traverse daily life. If you choose an inside seat don’t try to accumulate all of your activity tracker steps after the show has started. People around you will hate you.  They will wish split ends, ashy ankles and stubbed toes on you. And those wishes will be granted because you, my friend, are an inconsiderate asshole. Sitcho ass down.

4.    Don’t Stare

What. Are. You. Looking. At?  I squint my eyes, tilt my head, twist my lips ever so slightly and say those words when I find that someone is staring at me. Staring is rude folks. Harmless?Maybe. Rude? Definitely. I get it. Some people are intriguing. You find yourself wanting a better, longer look and you hold your gaze for just longer than what’s appropriate. So what’s appropriate? Three seconds. It’s what I’ve taught my children. Three seconds. That’s it. That’s all you get. So what if you need more time? They have rainbow hair, they’re rocking a unibrow that’s thicker than Alaga syrup or like me; they’re gorgeous. You need more time. Worry not. You have choices. I’ll give you the best two for free. Smile and/or say some variation of “Hello”. Speak to the person! For goodness sake! Things don’t have to get weird. 

5.    Move Your Mango *insider*

I am a reasonable individual. It’s ok that you’ve been to McDonald’s a thousand times and you still don’t know what you want when it’s your turn to order. You get no judgement from me on that front. Here’s where you and I fall out. I’m behind you in line knowing what I want. Each time you turn your head to the right and left as you review the unchanging menu to reassess the desires of your palette— I think about all the ways that you should be repaid for your disregard of your fellow man and woman. Split ends, stubbed toes, cold fries, no dipping sauce for your nuggets, red lights the entire way home, insomnia, hang nails, constipation, ashy ankles, no toilet tissue in your stall… I could go on and so could those folks waiting behind me. If you don’t know what you want step aside, move your mango to the left or to the right and let the rest of us move forward in gluttony.

Here’s the bottom line, friends. It comes down to mutual respect and consideration for those around you.  When you think about it, any conflict gets boiled down to mutual respect and consideration. Jerky folks rarely have these attributes. So, if you recognized yourself in this short list know that’s it’s time to make a change. That’s it for now folks. But because there’s no shortage; I will extend this list as I see people do new assholely things. Hey! Choose you. Today and everyday. Love y’all. See you soon.

I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences.

-Stephanie

Apologize.

More people should apologize, and more people should accept apologies when sincerely made.

-Greg LeMond

I apologized to a stranger. I was wrong. I acknowledged I was wrong. I apologized. The end; right? Noooo… not the end. The ease of my apology struck me. You guys know me. Usually looking for the lesson. Ever reflecting... The apology came out as naturally as my breath. I didn’t need to be goaded into an apology.  She didn’t tell me I owed it to her. No one needed to explain to me the err of my ways. I just did it and to a stranger no less.  I mean that was the big part for me. It lead me to consider the difficulty often faced when we need to apologize to the ones we say we hold most dear. So what is it? Why don’t we just do it?

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My britches had been in the biggest bunch because our beloved school district had yet to mail out school schedules, class assignments and such. So I called the school haughtily and asked when they would be mailed. The woman told me they wouldn’t be mailed until the end of the week. Insert my “Whatchu talkin ‘bout Willis?” face because school was to start the next week. When I began to contend that I didn’t understand why they were waiting so long this year, the woman says, “Well school doesn’t start for two more weeks. So…” Wait. WHAT??? 

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See my “job” includes, but is not limited to handling all things child related.  How did I get this wrong? Well, to make a long story go away— I have one child in the high school district and he started school the week before the elementary school district. I was confused. It was on me; not the school district. I quickly said, “I am so sorry. Thank you. Have a wonderful day!” I apologized. I was all puffed up about what I felt was an inadequacy on their part. Turns out the inadequacy belonged to me this time. Not in a bad way, but just in a owning my shit kinda way. So I apologized.

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Think about all the times you have bumped into or stepped on the toe of a stranger. Immediately, the transgression is acknowledged. ‘My goodness! I’m so sorry! Please excuse me!” Hell, if you walk in front of someone looking at which canned green beans they want in aisle 6; you apologize.  So what’s the deal?  We have people in our lives whom we say we love, but when we wrong them we look for every reason not to apologize. “That’s just how I am.”  “He knows I didn’t mean it like that.”  “She’s too damn sensitive.”   

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We really need to search our hearts on this one. Humility is a beautiful attribute. Unfortunately, it has been connected to weakness and inferiority. So, instead of reaching towards a loved one; we push off with harsh words and or the ever popular silence and estrangement. Decide today if that thing between you and “them” could be resolved with a very simple, but genuine… “I apologize. I would love to move forward. How can we do that?”  Ignore your inner voice that keeps telling you that humbly, sincerely apologizing is tantamount to kissing ass.

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Hey! I love y’all.  You know that.  Do better. Humility is resilient and strong. Love the people you love in the natural; before folks go on to glory.  You will NEVER regret repairing a relationship. But you will always lament over what could have been. Choose you today. Apologize.

I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences -Stephanie

BE The Message

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

-Dalai Lama 

Somebody stiffed me y’all and I am pissed… and conflicted. I paid someone money for a product.  They took my money and provided nothing. And while I am pissed; like put a cape on my ass pissed #SuperPissed, I am also feeling very sad and sorry for this individual. Before you go there— I’m being 100 percent genuine. No facetiousness. This person is a gifted artist and a gem of a human being. Period. I discovered those traits about him after many conversations and emails regarding the work he was contracted to do and life in general.  So, more than I want to strangle him for leaving me high and dry; I want to wrap him in hugs and love. I think that’s what he needs most right now.

Ummm…. Stephanie?  What are you saying? To be honest, a part of me isn’t sure because I’m still processing.  Maybe I haven’t even let the dust settle enough, but I felt like talking to you guys about it.  I think that sometimes people do stuff for inexplicable reasons. Sometimes they do it directly to us, sometimes to themselves and sometimes we catch the heat from what they thought was only effecting them. Collateral damage is more than a mediocre Arnold Schwarznegger film.  His life is in shambles right now.  Rather than call me, email me or write a message in the sky and say that to me; he’s hiding from me… under guilt and shame.

Now at this point we all know how I feel about guilt and shame.  I rebuke it in the name of Jesus! No. Seriously. I’m no bible thumper, but I know some things. And I know that we were not created to live a life weighted with guilt and shame. Funny thing is my first thought about “the homie” was indeed anger and disappointment before I reflected on the circumstances more comprehensively. I legit had an Aha! moment like…. Dude, you have to live your message.  Wait, what? Yep.  You gotta BE who you say you are. I’m not gon lie I had an attitude about the revelation. I wanted to call him and go IN. Do you hear me???  IN!!!  Instead, I thought about the space he might be in and the damage I might cause him by unleashing my verbal arsenal. Plus, it’s unlikely that my verbal explosion was going to miraculously cause him to crawl out of the funk of things to keep his word anyway. More than all that, I knew I could encourage, uplift and set expectations without demoralizing him or increasing his guilt and shame. I’m just not about that life anymore. 

So where are we now?  I haven’t heard from him.  He didn’t complete the work or return my money. Still, my message to him remains… Take care of you. Take care of you. Am I disappointed and annoyed? Hella.  It cost me more than the money. A lot of time and energy went in to the work we were doing together. But my heart… my soul is in tact. His is not. So hold a good thought for this man as I am. Check on your friends who are living with depression and anxiety.  Be kind to folks even when they piss you off.  You don’t know the road they’re on… Don’t be the car that runs them over. Peace y’all. As always #ChooseYou. Love you and see you soon.

If you or anyone you know is suffering from depression or anxiety; there's help.  Do not suffer in silence. Visit www.nami.org or www.blindfaithchgo.org.  Take care of you!

I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences -Stephanie

Death To The Martyr Mom: Part One

Motherhood is a part of you; not the wholeness of you.

-Stephanie D. Pearson-Davis

I love you.  I love you.  I really do, but you gotta stop the madness. We all know that in this forum you get the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  It’s what you signed up for; remember?  If you didn’t sign up for this head back to the home page of my website, enter your name and email address so we can be legit.

Anyway, the truth… You want it.  I got it.  Martyr Mom sounds like a lot of fun; right?  She sounds noble. Running from school to school, dropping off lunches, being class mom, doing homework, giving baths, cleaning ears and asses.  The real key to being a martyr mom though--No matter what she NEVER E V E R finds time for herself.  How else would the world see your value if you don’t show them the work you do as a mother is so laborious that you don’t even have time to give a shit about yourself?

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Who's that man? Oh... he represents everyone's inner face while you talk about all your sacrifices as a mother and run around like a crazy person. And listen. Y'all know I don't give a lot of weight to what other people think, but this Martyr Mom Mania speaks volumes about what you think about you.  Let's see if I can help.  I wonder if one post will do. I have a feeling we'll have to come back together for another round or two before we can knock this thing out.

You were not born a mother... Nor were you born to be a mother.

I don't care.  I don't care. I said it. I mean it. The ownership that humankind has taken over the female body is astounding.  The world has said, "You are female. You have a uterus. You must have a baby.  Go forth!" We push baby dolls in the arms of our daughters and call them "Mommy" to those babies.  I wonder what would happen if we overwhelmingly bought them stethoscopes and called them doctor or placed airplanes in their arms and called them First Officer.  Hmmm...

I digress. And to be clear I do not identify as a feminist #NoShade.  It's just... I find it sad that a woman could wake up every day and see motherhood as the only thing providing purpose in her life.  First, there a many, many women who have chosen not to be mothers.  That number is growing every day.  Their personal choice to have a child free life does not minimize them any more than it maximizes you. There is so much more to you than your biological capabilities.  So, yeah...  I'm a mother. It is one of the greatest joys of my life.  Still, it is not my life.  I refuse to be defined by my role as a mother.  You should too.  Find out who you are at the very core.  I promise you you won't find a mother in that space.

REFLECTION IS THE KEY TO ALL UNDERSTANDING

I wish I could solve this Martyr Mom Mania in one blog post, but it ain't gonna happen. Frankly, it deserves more time and space.  Discussing this phenomenon will be illuminating for us all.  We need a cure. What drives women to give up themselves in the name of motherhood? Why is that lauded? Where do we learn this behavior?  How can we unlearn it? How do we compartmentalize the many pieces and layers that make us who we are without dishonoring our true selves?  How have you sacrificed yourself for the sake of motherhood? What effect did you experience as a result?  Take some time to reflect on these questions.  Pick one or two and journal about them.  I wonder what you'll find out about you.  Hey... love y'all.  This is us on our journey to #ChooseYou.  Until next time.

I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences -Stephanie

New Year... Same You

Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, 'It will be happier.'

-Alfred Lord Tennyson

The new year is upon us. And with that comes the proclamation of all that is to come in the new year. I don’t have any fast and hard transform yourself overnight magical words to bestow. I do, however, have four solid ways to grow you from this day to the next and the next.

Be Afraid

Listen, fear is not the problem.  Fear is an important emotion for us as human beings. It keeps us safe. So being afraid isn’t necessarily negative. The inability to find courage on the other hand… that is a problem.  See, courage is acknowledging the fear and pressing forward any way. You will be empowered in ways you cannot imagine. I also believe you will experience a shift in other areas of your life when you tackle your fears.  So, what to do?  Learn how to swim. Cut your hair.  Take a vacation alone.  Order something new on Panera’s menu.(That one was for me.) Do a live video on social media.  Murder the mic at karaoke. DO what scares you. This is your life.  Let nothing keep you from every piece of it. 

Make a New Friend

For many years I relished in the “No New Friends” mindset.  I was legit proud of the fact that I didn’t let new people into my circle.  Full disclosure:  I experienced a very painful betrayal by a friend in my twenties.  Add to that my lifelong introvert tendencies and Voila! “No New Friends” was a way of life.  Only God knows how many wonderful people I missed out on because I wouldn’t let the love in or out for new folks. Dah well… The message here is that I have learned the err of my ways.  New people have new experiences and perspectives and recipes and new brands of Moscato you know nothing about #JudgeYourOwnSelf.  These new friends will remind you of spirit days at your baby’s school. They will send you an air purifier when you get sick. They will grab your kid and take them on playdates.  They will help you clean the kitchen after late night parties.  They will share their mommas sweet potatoes.  They will lift you up and encourage you.  These are only a few things my new and newer friends have done recently. And I’m not knocking old, lifelong friendships, because there's something to be said for those too.  This is about allowing new folks to come in your life and love on you because you’re worth it and so are they.

Release The Idea of Perfection

Perfection is a myth.  It is a lie. It does not exist. You are not perfect. Your spouse is not perfect. Your children are not perfect. Your parents are not perfect. Embrace that. Find comfort there. It’s all smoke and mirrors.  If we would each tell the truth about ourselves and our experiences others would be free to do the same.  Instead, folks are out here presenting a lie for their life. So you push your mess back under your bed too. Stop that. Don't hide the mess; fix it. Normalize life. Reject perfection. Pursue progress. Nothing is going to be perfect. It just needs to be YOUR best.

Mend Your Heart

In other words, get a therapist.  Let me repeat.  Get a therapist. Go regularly. Let 2018 be a year of healing. The idea that telling a stranger your business is a betrayal of trust or loyalty OR that it makes you weak is bullshit.  Friends and family are great resources for sharing your heart. But the real truth is, as well meaning as they are; you may need to seek therapy to talk about them. That isn’t an indictment of your friends/family or their love and allegiance to you.  I’m just sayin. Therapists have an entire bag of tricks to help you help you. Finally, I’ve heard a lot of people express apprehension about attending therapy, but I have never talked to a single person who attended therapy and regretted the experience. They only wished they had done it sooner.  Let that sink in for a moment. 

I, for one, am looking forward to the new year. New beginnings are always reason for celebration.  Make a commitment to free your self to be your self. That can be a tall order if you don’t know who your self is. Also, new year new me sounds good, but thats it. It just sounds catchy.  Why do you need a new you? Let it be… New year, same me, modified mindset, improved state of being. You are enough. Keep you. Throw away or revamp everything else. 2018 is your year. So were all the ones before it as will be all the ones after.  All of it is yours. What will you do? How will you use these steps to grow you?

I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences.

'Tis The Season

"Grief is the price we pay for love."

-Queen Elizabeth II

I was enjoying music as I often do when it struck me that I hadn’t listened to Ed Sheeran in a while.  So I went to his album and chose one of my favorite songs on it. Supermarket Flowers. My dad, also a music lover, was the one who introduced me to this song.  I immediately loved it.  Yes it’s melancholy, but it’s beautiful. Music is about more than a beat. So I’m always here for whatever it makes me feel.  I just didn’t expect to feel it in the McDonald’s drive-thru.

I experienced my first really great loss in many years this summer.  Did I just quantify death?  Yes. Yes I did.  If we’re honest there are levels to everything… even the feelings we have for people in death.  Anyway, she was an amazing woman. An elder, a mentor and also my friend.  My dear friend. So I’m listening to this song and then I feel that thing in my throat and the sting in my eye right after I ordered hotcakes for Blake. “Are you gonna cry, Stephanie? Yes, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” File that exchange under conversations with myself.  Lyrically, the song is just… Whew! 

“A heart that’s broke is a heart thats been loved” 

“And I know that when God took you back he said Hallelujah. You’re home.”

— Super Market Flowers Ed Sheeran

My God!!! We’re lucky I didn’t have to call my husband to come get me from that drive-thru.  There’s so much to unpack in the first lyric.  We have to pay a price; don’t we? If we love wholly and are loved wholly when that love ends it’s gonna hurt.  And it’s gonna hurt badly. Knowing what I know about that hard truth I’m still gonna love hard as I can.  Because those 12 years we had together… even just the last 3 or 4… they were worth every single time I’ve picked up the phone forgetting she wouldn’t be there on the other end… worth every tear I was able to swallow back and worth every one that leapt from my eyelid and ran down my cheek.  Love is always worth it. Even with its’ sometimes shitty expiration date.

As we lumber towards the most joyous time of the year.  We must be aware that what brings joy to others may usher in a very real pain for others.  I try to be mindful of this every year, but especially this year when I am missing my friend. When her loving husband, children, grandchildren and other friends are thinking about what this new normal is going to be like. I cannot count the number of people I have seen grieving great losses this year. It lead me to think… what can I do to help? What can we do to help?

Checking in on friends who are grieving is a great way to let them know they are not alone.  After all, loneliness, the feeling that no one understands is a large part of grief.  And it’s true.  We don’t understand and we shouldn’t assert such.  The loss of my grandmother is not the same as the loss of yours.  It is disrespectful to claim understanding.  Instead, ask: What can I do?  Would you like some company? Do you have plans for the holiday?  Do you wanna hang with me?  Also, this isn't about you.  Realize that you could offer yourself up as a soft place to land and your offer may get declined. Respect that.

All sorts of emotions get stirred up during the holiday season. Be there for who you can when you can. And in the middle of it all remember to live the life you’ve been given as completely as possible.  For me, that’s how we truly honor those who have gone on before us. And listen, love is a verb.  Love those you say you love. When it’s over it’s over.  As for my friend, I know when God took her back He said, Hallelujah.  I know she’s home— and that…. that brings me joy. Give love. Be loved. Live this life fully. Choose you. Until next time…. Merry Christmas.  Love y’all.

I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences.

Where's The Love??? What's in your heart?

"Love somebody. Just one person.  And then spread that to two. And as many as you can. You'll see the difference it makes."

-Auntie Oprah Winfrey

Today, I’m wondering what’s on the inside of people. I’m reflecting on why humans lack humanity. Oh! The irony. Why is it easier to get in the negativity, the drama of life as opposed to the celebration of it. Particularly, on social media. Why do people watch videos that amuse them, but refuse to support a friend by hitting the like button? Why do videos have 330 views and 8 likes? Hey…. Somebody help me with the math. What is the probability that 330 individuals watched a video, but only 8 people liked it? If I’m honest, which I am… this is one of the areas of social media that grinds my gears. Why is it so difficult to show love and support for people that you actually know? How can a person post positivity and receive little to no support; then post negativity and be flooded with “support”?

Funny thing happened. Not funny funny, but funny like…. Things that make you go hmmmmmm. So one of my Facebook friends makes a post about a negative experience she had with a client. The client was displeased with her purchase and blasted the business on related social media pages. ARGH! Saying it was a mess would be putting it mildly. For the sake of full disclosure; I have used this business in the past and look forward to using it in the future.  All of my experiences have been AWESOME. I’m getting away from the point. What is the point?  Lemme finish the story and then I’ll get to the point a couple hundred words from now. Whatever. Judge your own self.

So, after the post was made she received hundreds of comments. The comments said everything from let’s whoop this trick together… to telling the business owner the post was unprofessional and she should remove it… to the ever useful… just pray about it. *insert side eye*. Anyway, I’m amazed. Not necessarily by the content of the comments, but more by the sheer volume of them. Why? Because I have been fb friends with this person for about five years and I have NEVER witnessed her receive even a third of this level of interaction on any other post. This revelation made me angry, annoyed and well… sad. Why Stephanie?

99% of what this business owner posts is positive. She primarily posts about her business and the success of her beloved child. She posts specials, she makes inquires about expanding her business and shares the success of her business. Each of these positive posts receive a handful of likes and comments in comparison to the one negative post.  Now it’s my turn. WHY??? When she posts that it’s time for her to expand; why doesn’t she get 300 likes? When she posts pictures of the literal fruits of her labor; why doesn’t she get an engaged audience who wants to discuss how amazing her work is for days? I mean…. That’s what happened on the negative post.  The fb community discussed it for DAYS. 

And trust… I’m sitting on no fb friend moral high horse. I have witnessed this behavior on many pages.  A wife posts photos of the beautiful “just because” lilies her husband sent her. CRICKETS!!! Let that same husband black her damn eye! Here they come out of the woodwork with their regrets and prayers. What is wrong with us as a society? Why are we so drawn to negativity? Why is it so easy to scroll past the love, the joy, the success? Why the begrudging of celebration? Lean in… Did you know that you can be happy for yourself and someone else at the same time? Better yet… Did you know your life can suck like a Hoover vacuum and you can still be happy for other people? HELLO??? Happiness for yourself and happiness for others is not mutually exclusive.  You can do both at the same time. In fact, you might see the joy you extend to other folks manifest in your own life… But what do I know?

The point of it all, *in my Anthony Hamilton voice*, is to let the love out. When you catch yourself scrolling past the joy to get to the drama; check yourself. I was deeply disheartened by the behavior on my fb friends page because I know she’s a wonderful person. She, like all of us, deserves to be acknowledged, celebrated, encouraged and rooted for whether its raining or if the sun is shining.  All I’m saying is… Don’t wait until someone is in the middle of a storm to offer your support. Some of us might start to think you were carrying your umbrella all along. 

Hey! That’s all I got. Until next time… Choose you and don’t pass up positivity; spread it. Love y'all. 

I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences.