When we focus on our gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out and the tide of love rushes in.
-Kristin Armstrong
Dads with their children is one of my favorite things. It just warms my heart to see little hands in big ones. Perhaps it’s the juxtaposition of the masculine, protective, aware man and the curious, small, innocent child that does it to me. It just turns me to goo. Full disclosure— I love seeing men being maternal. #NoShade to the paternal side because we need that too. Frankly, we need more blurring of these gender roles so that I don’t have to identify men taking care of children as “maternal”. I digress. As I was saying…. I love seeing the babies with the daddies. So imagine my elation when I saw several babies with their daddies at the grocery stores sans the mommas.
That’s right! Not one or two, but seven or eight. Yes, I counted. I don’t have an exact number because I think I saw one of those families twice. No, they don’t all look alike. I just… #ForgetYou Moving on… The flu had kept me indoors for a week. Truth told, I was happy just to be outside. Seeing the dads marching through the store with their children in tow was the cherry on top. The children were talking nonstop, touching things, skipping, fighting with each other. It was glorious. And in all of that I only saw one dad who looked like he was suffering.
I was in aisle 10 looking for the secret ingredient to my mom and dad’s world famous chili’s. Maybe not world famous, but regionally famous and that’s only because the world hasn’t tasted it. You get the point. The chili is the BOMB. There I am, bent over, searching when a little person skips into me. No worries. I’m a momma. Children somehow know this. So I’m totally used to being touched by children who don’t belong to me. The dad right away goes into apology mode.
Dad: I’m so sorry. You gotta watch where you’re going, Buddy.
Me: Oh no. He’s fine. They’re doing so good!
Dad: You think so?
Me: Yes! No one’s crying. They’re doing great.
Us: *laughter*
Me: Hey! I’ve seen several dads with their children this morning.
Dad: Really? I hadn’t even noticed.
Me: Yeah! I think it’s so cool. Are you guys in a special club or something? The Take Your Kids
Grocery Shopping On Sunday Morning Club? *cuz I think I’m funny*
Dad: Ha! Nope. But I wish my wife was in a club.
Me: *in my head* Oh shit. Because his tone was WRONG.
Dad: The Appreciation club. The Thank You For What You Do club. *Oh… he’s funny too*
Me: *in my head* This is what you get for talking to strange men.
Dad: Yeah…. I wish she belonged to THAT club.
Me: *wincing* I am so sorry. We love you guys. We really do. It’s just sometimes we get
caught up with life and we forget to SAY thank you.
Dad: It would be nice if she would say it OR show it.
Me: Well… On behalf of your wife and all the mommas… Thank you. For all that you do. Thank you.
Dad: Wow… Thank you. I really appreciate that.
Y’all!! I thought the man was gonna tear up. If I had been in closer proximity I would have hugged him and then we both woulda been crying in the middle of aisle 10. The take aways on this are endless. A spouse feeling unappreciated. Gratitude. Communication. Humility. Compassion. Empathy. Marriage in the midst of parenthood. I was a complete stranger and he totally unloaded on me. He was frustrated. He felt unappreciated and disregarded. I felt all of that in a three minute grocery store encounter. What is happening in his home? That question is rhetorical. It’s meant to cause us to reflect into our own hearts, homes and marriages. What would your spouse say about you in your absence? What club would they wish you belonged to? How do you internalize or lash out when you feel unappreciated? Are you actively, intentionally showing and verbalizing your appreciation? That man felt invisible. Don’t let your husband be that man. Don’t let your wife be the woman who doesn’t see you. Listen… Marriage is a strong and delicate entity. Treat it with love and respect so that it can be a Calla in a field of dandelions. Hey… Love each other y’all… and hold on. Hold on.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences -Stephanie