"Let no one treat you better than you."
-Stephanie
Mother’s Day is currently behind us. It was wonderful to see and hear about all the mothers receiving breakfast in bed, creatively fashioned cards and handmade gifts. The day was all about us and I was 1000 percent here for it. Mother’s Day is the one day a year where you can pretty much count on someone making a big deal about you and everything you do for your little crumbsnatchers. But you know what I think? I think we don’t need to wait for a special day to acknowledge our awesomeness. Also, you don't need to be a mother to be celebrated.
We, as women, need to do a better job of unapologetically taking care of ourselves by ourselves. This is no knock to Mother’s Day or other Hallmark holidays like it. Everyone who knows me knows my middle name should be “Celebration” because I will celebrate anything. The sun is shining? YAAAAAY! The kids made their beds? YAAAAAAY!!! One of my favorite Starbucks baristas finished his last final? YAAAAAY!!! #AskAboutMe
Women are so accustomed to taking care of others. We get taught this from a very young age in a way in which our male counterparts are not. It’s that dangblasted patriarchal society that conditions us. Girls take care of everyone. Not because it makes them happy, but because that’s what womenfolk are for. *chuckle* Anyway, we really need to figure out how to carve out time and resources for the expressed purpose of bringing ourselves joy and relaxation.
Have we had this conversation previously? Probably. And we’re gonna keep having it until being good to ourselves becomes a habit; not an exception. You are so much more than an exception. You deserve to be regularly, intentionally recognized. Once you begin making yourself a priority your value will increase in the eyes of those around you. Just watch.
HOW TO #CHOOSEYOU: ANOTHER ABBREVIATED LIST
Draw Yourself A Bath Dah-ling. Baths are so underrated! Lock the door and answer it for no one! Find yourself compatible bath products (bath bars, bubble bath, bath bombs, bath oils) and go for what you know! Oh! And don’t forget the music. Maybe a lil Ledisi, Prince or Louis Baker. Yes, I know some of you lil ladies have a thing about stewing in your own dirt, but honey I don’t care. A good bath is like having a glass of wine. If you want to really #TreatYoSelf have a chilled glass of wine while you bathe. Yaaassss!! Now…. If you’re one of those cry babies who doesn’t want to soak in your own dirt and skin cells just quickly shower prior to bathing. When I make plans to do both I run my bath water before getting in the shower. That way I won’t run out of hot water for my bath. You’re welcome.
Go To The Movies. Going to the movies is one of my favorite things to do when I have “Mommy Time”. I grab my sweater, I never stash snacks in my purse and head straight to the theater. I get the biggest popcorn they have with butter in the middle and on top. Sometimes, I even get a hotdog. I usually do this alone. People are shocked by the number of things I enjoy doing alone. Listen, there are five other people in my house… Add that to being introvert natured and understand that being alone is a bit of treat in and of itself. Also, being at the movies isn’t the most conducive place for conversation. Soooo going alone really isn’t that big of a deal. Try it. Seriously.
Fellowship with Food. Take yourself out to eat. Go with a friend or fly solo. Believe me when I say I knooow we definitely need to find better ways to fellowship with ourselves and others besides with a fork in our hand, but whatever. You can make healthy choices when dining outside the home. If you go alone you can people watch, eavesdrop on other peoples conversations(I know! It’s a guilty pleasure, but people talk so loud it’s hardly classified as eavesdropping), take a book or play on your phone. It’s all about relaxation. You won’t have to participate in polite conversation or cut anyone’s meat… unless you want to.
Sit in The Garage. Ok. I get it if you find this a bit strange. But I believe in having exit strategies. Ya gotta know when to get out. Exit strategies are life savers for new moms and wives alike. They’re good for old-ish birds like me too! It’s like Southwest, but free #WannaGetAway. During the day I have the pleasure of enjoying the company of a two year old. I legitimately spend most of my day just keeping him alive. I am not complaining. I’m just saying… I work hard. Then, in the evening, I spend a significant amount of my time driving my other children from one place to the next. There are times we pull into the garage after a long day and I tell everyone to disembark and I stay. Sometimes I finish a phone call. Other times I just enjoy the silence. Wanna know what I always do no matter what??? Turn off the car.
Love, Me. I regularly buy myself flowers. Calla lillies, Alstroemeria, Casablanca lillies and so on and so on. If you’re at my house you will probably see fresh flowers. My husband brings them home from time to time. It’s always a welcome surprise and that’s very nice of him. Still, I’m the one that has a love affair with flowers. It has nothing to do with him. They bring me joy. They improve MY life. So I provide them for myself. My local grocer has wonderful deals on a variety of flowers. If you don’t know what you like— go once every ten days and pick something new. Also, for a nominal fee the florist will arrange the flowers for you. You win.
For the people in the back: Making yourself a priority doesn't make you less of a wife, mother, sister, daughter, cousin, caretaker, employee etc. Putting yourself at the top of your life's organizational chart reminds you and everyone else that you are important. You are important. You are valuable. You are human. You are worthy of acknowledgement, love and respect. You teach people how to treat you. Most of what they learn comes from watching how you treat yourself. To that end... What are your loved ones learning from you? What do you deserve? How does your behavior fall in line with what you say you deserve? This is a great journaling topic. Get those journals out and start writing. You might be surprised by what you uncover. Love y'all.
I'm not here because I'm an expert. I'm here because I have experiences. -Stephanie