"The grass is fine 'til it looked greener on the other side. Now you're believing that you fell behind. But why try to match what should be one of a kind? You're one of a kind."
Jonathan McReynolds
I don’t really feel like writing today. Frankly, I don’t feel like doing much of anything unless you count laying on the couch as an activity. I don’t even really want food. GASP!!! So, whats happening? I think I’m a little or a lot overwhelmed. I cannot put my finger on the exact reason or reasons why. I’m just in a funk. I’m sure it’s nothing a glass of wine, a night out with friends or 10 days in the Caribbean wouldn’t fix.
You know…. I almost posted a different blogpost, but then that would be compromising my entire purpose and mission. I don’t want to look or sound a particular way to those of you who read my words and keep up with me. I don’t want to portray a woman who always has perfect brows and hair with a fully beat face. I refuse to act like every day of my life is rainbows, glitter and baby giggles. I’m not playing a character on this blog or other social media platforms and I don’t want to. I want to BE who I say I am. And sometimes I’m a mess.
My desire from day one was to impact change in the lives of women, in particular, by normalizing everyday life. You know what happens in every day life? Sometimes, you just don’t feel good. I could have gone along and posted something upbeat or funny, but that wouldn’t have been my truth today. My truth today is that me and my littlest have a touch of a stomach bug. My husband has been ill for about four days, I received a behavior phone call from one of my children’s teachers, my student loans need to be paid and me and someone I love are having a… disagreement.
My truth is I have laundry that needs to be done, a bedroom that needs cleaning and activities that need planning and financing. These babies have end of the year activities and events they are stoked about and I’m just ready for it to be OVER. My truth is that I feel like crying; not like all day, but like a short, lil cleansing cry. Ahhh… except I don’t have time because I shouldn’t have pushed it down earlier when it came up and now one of my babies will be walking in the door any minute. Listen… does anybody hear me right now? I just said I shoulda scheduled my cry. LOL!!! The life of a woman… I tell you!
Let’s be clear, I am not looking for sympathy. This isn’t that. I’m telling you this because you need to know that you are not alone. When you read my words I want you to be able to see yourself in them. You can’t do that if I am dishonest about my journey. You need to know that your house isn't the only one with dirty dishes, misbehaving children and woman who just ain't feeling her life ain't the moment.
Trust, I know how it is. I tell you to keep your eyes on your own paper for this very reason, but we’re all works in progress. When you let those pretty browns slide onto someone else’s paper and you see them looking all happy and organized and successful— You start looking at your life and it doesn’t always measure up. What you don't know is-- Your life wasn't meant to measure up to that of anyone else.
Technology is wonderful and it has gifted us all in countless positive ways. It has also turned folks into perpetual “comparers”. You look at their life. You look at your life. You look at your life. You look at their life. It’s the action of trying to determine if you are better than the next person when your only competition is you. It only matters if you outdo you. Your only competition is you. And like Jonathan McReynolds sings; comparison kills. The sooner you embrace that truth the happier you will be. You don’t have to be THE best; you just have to work at being YOUR best.
Understand that your best isn’t stationary. It swings on a pendulum where expectations, outside influences, ability, motivation, ambition, emotion and execution are ever changing. Embrace that idea and give yourself peace today. My best today doesn’t look like my best from yesterday and that’s ok. This ideology saved me from chasing perfection because it let me see I was after the unattainable.
I know I am doing my best today…. You are doing your best too. Our respective bests look TOTALLY different. And they're supposed to because we are all totally different. Also, even when we are tired, crying, bent and bruised: We are still strong. We are still beautiful.
We have to stop trying to do everything for everyone all the time. The people in our world end up getting what they want and we end up depleted. Depleted is not how I want to describe and/or remember my life when I look back on it.
I’m going to take the advice I give others. I’ve been overdoing it and under-caring for myself. Living your best life really is a journey. I don’t think it’s ever a place where you arrive. I, clearly, still need these reminders.
Pursue progress; not perfection. Give yourself more latitude. Embrace your imperfections. Say no. Say yes. Know that you are enough. Believe that joy belongs to you. Trust that you can have a meaningful life without sacrificing yourself. Change the things you can; accept the things you cannot. Use all of it to #ChooseYou.
I'm not here because I'm an expert. I'm here because I have experiences. -Stephanie