"I don't always share my writing space, but when I do it will be with amazing thought leaders and writers like this woman. Enjoy."
-Stephanie
Hello! My name is Dr. Shaniqua Jones. I am on full-time assignment as the Director of Community Engagement and Diversity Programs at a private higher education institution. I am also a Restorative Justice Practitioner. Restorative Justice? Yes! Restorative Justice is a way of life where shareholders (community members) come together to make amends to a harm/issue/conflict…you get my drift! Have you ever experienced a harm or disagreement? Was the outcome favorable? Often times, there is not a sustainable solution because we punish, neglect, or allow the harm to manifest in ways we are not privy to knowing or understanding.
Perfect example: By the age of fifteen, I became the rebel in my family. To give you a little background: I am the youngest and only girl with three big brothers and a mom who birthed me at the age of 40 – dad was 45. I was a naïve church girl who became a preacher’s kid (PK) once my mom walked into her calling as an ordained evangelist. I love her and I love that she accepted her calling. However, for me, I was done with church, church folks, ministers, and GOD by the age of 15! Yes, God! I proclaimed to be a non-believer! I no longer respected ‘church folks’ and the idea of believing in a God I could not see. I was done with trying to figure out how my mom could tithe but our basic needs were going unmet. I’m 15 trying to be fly and being holy wasn’t fly (so I thought)! The decisions I made did not just affect me, they affected those who loved me the most, especially my dear mother.
My decisions consisted of:
- Breaking my ankle into several pieces that led to long-term hospitalization because I was trying to hang out pass curfew….slipped on some ice while running home
- Being a teen mom with two children by the age of 19 by the neighborhood drug dealer
- Numerous weekend getaways to the local police station
- Failed suicide attempt that led to bipolar diagnosis
- Rape
- Married a sex-offender with substance abuse issues
- Multiple pregnancies that led to birthing three more children
- Cervical cancer (fighter/survivor since 2005)
- Domestic violence
- Poverty
- Homelessness on numerous occasions
While my choices took a toll on my mother and brothers, today I will focus on this mother-daughter relationship. Heck, reading the bullet points probably took a toll on you too. So, just imagine how my dear mommy felt knowing that her baby girl experienced hell on Earth. I was selfish in my way of thinking to believe that the decisions I made only affected me. How ignorant! All of this happened in the course of 11 years; ages 15-26. By the time I gave my life back to Christ, over a decade of damage created a copious barrier between my mother and me.
I started seeking God in two areas of my life, self-love and mothering my children. Oh! I’m so thankful for redemption and restoration that allowed me to become that ray of sunshine again after dimming my own light for years. My outlook on life shifted from survival mode to living a more meaningful life. My work ethic was impeccable. I obtained my undergraduate degree, I married the love of my life, went on to obtain my masters and doctorate degrees, and excelled as a thriving citizen in my community. Do you know what was missing? Restoration between my mommy and me. I had assumed that the impressive shift in my life canceled the hurt and craziness I brought to her life. That wasn’t the case. Acknowledging and rectifying the past was necessary to move beyond the hurt.
It was not until a one-year sabbatical between us prompted me to seek God to restore our relationship. After carefully re-approaching this situation with authenticity, my mother and I were able to learn from one another in order to forgive and flourish. I have learned that true restoration comes from being mature enough to hold yourself accountable without attempting to buy or overlook the healing process. Healing can’t be bought and overlooking only suppresses the pain. Shout out to my mama for always loving me!
I am a work-in-progress.
I am a proud wife and mother to 10 children. You can learn more about my work at www.shaniquajones.com. Follow me on social media: @Drshanjones2016 and my YouTube Channel: http://bit.ly/DrSJYouTube
©2018 Dr. Shaniqua Jones – All Rights Reserved.