"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."
-Thich Nhat Hanh
It is so gray and dreary outside today. It’s cold and everything has frost on it. The roofs of my neighbors homes, the kids play set, the grass. Even the air looks gray. How is that possible? Maybe that’s fog. I don’t know. I do know I miss the sun ALOT today. I feel like I’m on the inside of a cheap snow globe… and I don’t like it. I want out.
I don’t live with depression or anxiety or seasonal affective disorder and I’m not grieving the loss of a loved one. And yet, here I am looking out the window with a completely sad, is this my life, take me to Cabo face.
I’m a sunshine girl. The sun makes me feel invigorated. It makes anything that I am doing so much better. It’s funny because as much as I love the actual sun; I am a huge proponent of carrying your sunshine on the inside. I determine my mood; not the weather. I am the thermostat.
Still, I’m not feeling it today. Which proves the journey of positive thinking and practice is ongoing.
Reflection helps me to be more intentionally empathetic. As an individual who isn’t living with anxiety, depression or grief, but who still feels”UGH!” During repeated overcast days; how do folks who regularly live with these negative emotions feel?
I would usually tell folks how to support friends and family members who struggle. I’m not gonna do that today. Instead, I’m going to give suggestions on how anyone living with anxiety, depression and grief can help themselves.
Empowerment of self is greater than anything someone else can do for you.
How To Fight the Winter/Holiday/Lonely/Grieving Blues
MUSIC.
I am a huge music fan. Since I was a baby, music and I have been like a moth and a flame. It’s my thing. Sometimes the music is just the music. I can select shuffle and let it speak to me. If I’m in a funk I can’t shake, I hit up Apple Music to shift my mood. Most of the time I use gospel music to help give me a boost. Songs like Just Want To Praise Him by Maurette Brown Clark and Smile by Jonathan McReynolds work wonders. Kirk Franklin and Tasha Page Lockhart also take me to my happy place. Sometimes, we just need a reminder that God is in control.
Despite everything you’re experiencing; you are not alone.
I do love my gospel music, but as a lover of all genres I have to give you some additional choices. Let Paramore’s Ain’t It Fun, Diana Ross’ The Boss, Avery Sunshine’s I Got Sunshine or Marc Anthony’s Vivir Mi Vida take you from slumped shoulders to at least chair dancing. Whatever you do— Don’t play Adele. Adele fans understand. I love you Adele! Hahahaha!
EXERCISE.
*insert eye roll* (I need to get my life together in this particular area) They say exercise is the remedy for everything. Got high blood pressure? Exercise. Everybody’s on your nerves? Exercise. Got diabetes? Exercise. Got penile dysfunction? Exer… Wait. I was just making sure you are paying attention. Anyway… I kid. I kid. Exercise really does make everything better. It releases endorphins which naturally bring forth positive feelings and increased energy.
Also, regular exercise will probably keep you from going in the direction of your favorite comforter… food. Well, mine is food. One time, I was so so sad. I went to Jewel and bought that yellow, strawberry cake they have. You know the one with the fresh strawberries and whipped cream? Yep, that one. Anyway, I purchased that cake, brought it home, turned on the television, grabbed a fork from the kitchen, sat on the couch and proceeded to eat that cake. No knives, no plates, no napkins. Just me, that fork, the couch, the tv and the cake. Ya know who didn’t feel better afterwords? That’s right. Me. Not only did I not feel better I felt worse. Say no to whole cakes. Go for a brisk walk instead.
RUN AWAY.
Yep. Run away. Get out of the house. The urge to put on pajamas and get under your warm comforter can be too much to resist. But unless you have someone to join you under that comforter for some exerciiiise(wink, wink); do not get in the bed. My mom once told me, “Steph, you can get down. You just can’t stay there.” I have never forgotten her words and they have helped me immeasurably. It’s ok to draw the curtains and hide under the covers from time to time, but if you’re making a habit out of it— STOP.
Get your ass in the shower. Showers and bathing will naturally boost your mood. Taking care of yourself in general is a mood booster. Bathe, get your hair together, put on a little or a lotta makeup, get dressed and run out of that house. You don’t need rest, you’re not sleepy— you’re sad.
Laying in bed is NOT a remedy for sadness.
Go see a funny movie. Call a friend if you want company. Walk around the mall. Volunteer at an animal shelter or anywhere. Sometimes seeing the value you have in the lives of others will help you to see your own value.
You are valuable.
Listen… sadness, loss, grief etc. are the price we pay for love and the time we get to have it. Negative emotions are a part of life. How you experience negative emotions and the length of time you have them can be managed by you. Be intentional about the way you FEEL. Acknowledge pitfalls and disappointment, but don’t punish yourself by staying down.
No guilt. No shame. Look for the light... See your way out.
I’ve given great suggestions for managing “The Gray”. Still, there are circumstance when there aren’t enough positive affirmations or funny movies or burpees or songs to see the beauty of who you are. When that happens- ASK. FOR. HELP. Let there be no shame in knowing your limitations for helping yourself. Find a good therapist or psychiatrist. Complete the exercises. Take the meds. Live your best life. You’re worth it.
I love you.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences. -Stephanie