“There's just some magic in truth and honesty and openness.”
-Frank Ocean
Dating is the pits. At least that's what I keep hearing from my single friends. And by their assessment, I wouldn’t want to be single for all the tea in China. Especially in this technology age. People act like they don’t know how to use a phone or pen and paper. Ugh! Between “what you doin/you up?” texts, the surge in struggle dates and unsolicited penis pics; women seem to be getting the short end of the stick. No pun intended.
I haven't been single in a long time, but my proximity to single women gives me some idea as to just how crappy it can be. It seems the worst part of dating is trying to figure out where you stand with someone. If you’ve been seeing them for a while and you’re feeling them, you want to know what’s up, but you don’t want to ask.
I have opinions on the game play that goes on in dating, but I don’t have time for ALL the lessons today.
The holiday season highlights the status of all relationships. If you’re wondering what you mean to him; you are sure to find out between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day. The pressure is on!! Like, if you don't call your mom on the Fourth of July it's okay, but if you don't call and or spend time with her on Thanksgiving, Christmas and/or New Year’s Eve/Day??? Awww nawl… You ain’t shit. #ISaidWhatISaid
Notice I mentioned the Fourth as a non factor in terms of being a relationship quantifier. Summer holidays somehow don't count the same way. It's like everybody is out with their boys or girls trying to show what they’re working with. It’s a preview to the feature film. I’ll allow it.
These year end holidays though? They matter and they will expose you. Bae season begins as soon as you have to wear a jacket for three consecutive days. Running the streets with the homies was fun when it was hot, but becomes less appealing when it gets chilly. Men want to be with someone who can keep their bellies full and their bodies warm.
I’m not mad at that. Also, fellas, women want the same thing. Also, women, you need to own that.
Communication is where things get all messed up. Well, maybe not. Communication or lack thereof gets a lot of flack for misunderstandings in relationships. I think a bigger issue is integrity. Folks are communicating alright— communicating lies. Yeah, I said it. There’s so much dishonesty in dating. Just tell the truth.
Here it is…
Him: I’m definitely interested in you. I enjoy your company. I’m just not ready to commit
exclusively. I hope we can still spend time together.
Her: I am interested in a commitment. I want to be married. I want kids. That said, I’m not
sure I want those things with you at this point. I’m here for getting to know each other
better. However, I do expect progression.
Boom! Maybe it’s corny *Kanye shrug*. But now everyone understands and can make informed decisions.
Now, here come some generalizations… that happen to be true.
Men are not good at speaking the aforementioned truth because they’re afraid they won’t get any ass.
Women don’t hear this truth well because they want to be exclusive. So, they can shamelessly give up some ass.
Recap: Men don’t tell the truth because the outcome isn’t favorable. Women don’t tell the truth or receive it well because the outcome isn’t favorable. Men do what they want. Women refuse to own what they want and end up alone and confused.
Sis, you have been told that dating multiple men makes you a hoe. What if you reject that? What if you decide that you are the only person who can determine if you’re a hoe? What if you decide that you will never be a hoe no matter what you do?
Date who you want when you want. Date multiple men… at the same damn time! Put yourself in a situation where you have choices. Men always have choices. That’s why he’s texting what are you doing instead of CALLING to ask your availability. TRUST… someone is getting a call— It’s just not you.
Wanna know something else? I don’t care what he tells you. New Year’s Eve is one of the best relationship barometers. He is not just chillin at the crib on Christmas or New Year’s Eve. His insistence that he just isn’t a big fan of holidays is a lie. New Year’s Eve is the climax of “Do we go together or not” season. If you and your significant other are not together on any of these holidays, but especially New Year’s Eve... one of you isn't significant. *blank stare* If the person you're "dating" hasn't asked you out yet— he has another date and again... One of you isn't significant.
So, if you’re afraid to be vulnerable and ask about your relationship status. There ya go.
Ladies, let’s go into 2019 with open minds, honest hearts and defined expectations. Tell the truth about what you want. Be shamed by nothing. Spend time working on being the best version of yourself. Dating is hard because someone is accepting the bare minimum just to say they have something. Trust me when I say… something is not better than nothing. Do NOT settle. You are worth so much more.
If New Year’s Eve arrives, but bae is nowhere to be found… you know what time it is. Now you get to decide if you’re going to respond to that January 2nd “what you doin?” text.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences. -Stephanie