“Reflection is distorted by dishonesty. Reflection distorted by dishonesty is projection.”
-Stephanie D. Pearson-Davis
I love this platform… this blog I created to share my experiences and express myself. On the surface that’s what this blog is. It’s a tangible conduit for my thoughts. In essence, it’s a journal. A very public journal. Everything I write here is true. Don’t get me wrong, I love creative writing and I have some of that in my repertoire too. Still, the only creative license I take when writing here is the names I change to protect privacy.
I use my life as a catalyst for reflection. I am transparent to influence and impact those who humble me by reading my words. I think it’s funny though… Sometimes, I start writing and I influence and impact my own self #Winning. It can be frustrating because I start writing with the end in mind and then I get in it and reflection takes me somewhere else. I love writing. I love reflection more.
Reflection is when you look at something and see yourself. It is a very thoughtful process steeped in truth and honesty. In fact, it will not work if you refuse to tell the truth. Reflection requires you to be honest with yourself. If you deny the truth, three things can happen.
You will see nothing.
You will see someone else where you should be.
You will see yourself where you don’t belong.
Reflection is distorted by dishonesty. Reflection distorted by dishonesty is projection.
Instead, of seeing yourself as you are; it is more comfortable to project imagery that demonstrates how you would like to see yourself viewed.
Projection keeps you buried in shame and guilt and retards your evolution.
Thinking honestly about yourself, how you fit into certain situations in your world is how you grow. Reflection is taking a beat, and extra breath or a week to determine what matters and why. It is more than just thoughtfulness.
Reflection develops inner peace.
I write and share my writing to help others reflect for the purpose of developing inner peace. I truly want everyone to have peace.
Imagine my surprise and confusion when readers text, inbox or call me to ask if my latest blog or social media post is about them. This has happened multiple times. I guess I would feel differently if they called me with a smile or laughter in their voice. Unfortunately, I have yet to have that experience. Instead, I have experienced them as hurt, angry or concerned that I was feeling some kind of way about them.
*sigh*
Listen… life is already too hard for me to be throwing rocks at unsuspecting people and hiding my hand. If I don’t know you know you how would I know what’s goin on in your life and WHY would I want to hurt you? The whole purpose of this platform, at its root, is to encourage everyone to reject shame and guilt. I don't write to permeate confusion. I am not a messy person. (I really dislike messy people.) And though I have intentionally hurt other folks feelings as a way to cope with my own hurt feelings; I have never and will never use this blog or any social media related to Choose You For You to that end.
This situation required reflection.
Why do they think you’re writing about them, Steph? …Because I am.
If while reading your writing a reader believes you are talking about them… you are. Here's the thing about perception—it doesn't require a shared truth. If I write something with X in mind, but my reader sees Y; neither of us is wrong. This is what makes the relationship between writing and reading so fascinating.
So, if you read my blog, Instagram or Facebook posts and believe that you are the subject of my writing; you are correct. Reading my words and seeing yourself is reflection. Reading my words, seeing yourself and getting upset with me is projection.
I was initially perplexed by the inquiries. Now I understand. My writing is causing folks to consider their roles in a variety of scenarios. That was a major goal for me… to cause people to think and ultimately to reflect. I just didn't think anyone would reach out to me while processing. For the record, I’m totally cool with dialogue about what I write and why I write it. In fact, I encourage it.
I write from my experiences. Remember: “I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences.”? You can find that quote at the close of every blog. I truly believe our time together on earth is cluttered with shared experiences that would unify us if we weren’t so busy trying to be better than one another.
Shame is a weapon used to establish and maintain hierarchy. Reject it.
Shame is why you don’t want to acknowledge and absorb the missteps of your life. Reject it. Shame is why you get in your feelings when you see glimpses of yourself here that you perceive as negative. Reject it.
I welcome thoughtful and reflective dialogue in public or private, but if you see yourself in my experiences and that causes negative feelings in you… the person you really need to be talking to is yourself. Love y’all.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences. -Stephanie