I don’t like belaboring anything. I work hard, in fact, not to do it because it’s rooted in ego; not understanding… annnnd I don’t like it done to me. I am a person who will travel to a far away land in my mind if someone keeps saying the same thing repeatedly after I’ve demonstrated understanding. However, there is a distinct difference between belaboring and reminding or reinforcing.
*Stick with me. This isn’t a thesis.
Belaboring speaks to continued talking for the purpose of self-aggrandisement after the point is made and understood. It’s for the speaker. Reminding and reinforcing speaks to bridging the gap between knowing, understanding and execution. It’s for the recipient. Belaboring is punishment. Reminding and reinforcing are tools of continued learning.
I said all that to say, personal evolution is hard AF, and not enough people understand this.
See, food and cooking is how I say, “I love you.” It’s how I say, “I’m glad you’re here.” Honestly, it’s one of the reasons I have such difficulty managing the goals for my health and fitness, but I digress. We can chat about that another day.
Off I went to the store the day before the party.
On my way to the store I decided the menu would include baked ziti and a tossed salad with yummy add-ins like gorgonzola cheese, green apples, craisins and such. I grabbed ground and linked Italian sausage. I quickly remembered several of my guests don’t eat pork. No worries! I’ll just grab some ground beef and more ingredients. Now, I have to make two sauces, but I got this. I headed to check out.
Oh crap!!! One of my guests can longer eat tomato anything. Side note: I grew up in a house that was always entertaining. My parents taught me that you make people feel welcomed by considering them in your choices. In other words, make sure there’s something for everyone. I decided to grab some chicken breasts and veggies to make chicken alfredo pasta too. I finished shopping. I had about 20lbs of meat, a full cart and a fully overwhelmed heart.
Motherhood is a part of you; not the wholeness of you.
-Stephanie D. Pearson-Davis
I love you. I love you. I really do, but you gotta stop the madness. We all know that in this forum you get the whole truth and nothing but the truth. It’s what you signed up for; remember? If you didn’t sign up for this head back to the home page of my website, enter your name and email address so we can be legit.
Anyway, the truth… You want it. I got it. Martyr Mom sounds like a lot of fun; right? She sounds noble. Running from school to school, dropping off lunches, being class mom, doing homework, giving baths, cleaning ears and asses. The real key to being a martyr mom though--No matter what she NEVER E V E R finds time for herself. How else would the world see your value if you don’t show them the work you do as a mother is so laborious that you don’t even have time to give a shit about yourself?
Discover & share this Funny GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.
Who's that man? Oh... he represents everyone's inner face while you talk about all your sacrifices as a mother and run around like a crazy person. And listen. Y'all know I don't give a lot of weight to what other people think, but this Martyr Mom Mania speaks volumes about what you think about you. Let's see if I can help. I wonder if one post will do. I have a feeling we'll have to come back together for another round or two before we can knock this thing out.
You were not born a mother... Nor were you born to be a mother.
I don't care. I don't care. I said it. I mean it. The ownership that humankind has taken over the female body is astounding. The world has said, "You are female. You have a uterus. You must have a baby. Go forth!" We push baby dolls in the arms of our daughters and call them "Mommy" to those babies. I wonder what would happen if we overwhelmingly bought them stethoscopes and called them doctor or placed airplanes in their arms and called them First Officer. Hmmm...
I digress. And to be clear I do not identify as a feminist #NoShade. It's just... I find it sad that a woman could wake up every day and see motherhood as the only thing providing purpose in her life. First, there a many, many women who have chosen not to be mothers. That number is growing every day. Their personal choice to have a child free life does not minimize them any more than it maximizes you. There is so much more to you than your biological capabilities. So, yeah... I'm a mother. It is one of the greatest joys of my life. Still, it is not my life. I refuse to be defined by my role as a mother. You should too. Find out who you are at the very core. I promise you you won't find a mother in that space.
REFLECTION IS THE KEY TO ALL UNDERSTANDING
I wish I could solve this Martyr Mom Mania in one blog post, but it ain't gonna happen. Frankly, it deserves more time and space. Discussing this phenomenon will be illuminating for us all. We need a cure. What drives women to give up themselves in the name of motherhood? Why is that lauded? Where do we learn this behavior? How can we unlearn it? How do we compartmentalize the many pieces and layers that make us who we are without dishonoring our true selves? How have you sacrificed yourself for the sake of motherhood? What effect did you experience as a result? Take some time to reflect on these questions. Pick one or two and journal about them. I wonder what you'll find out about you. Hey... love y'all. This is us on our journey to #ChooseYou. Until next time.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences -Stephanie
