I thought I had somehow been cheated. I’m supposed to be in charge of everybody for the purpose of making life perfect.  My thinking was unreasonable, unattainable and unfair to everyone, especially me.  If you say you want to be happy, but can’t seem get happy and stay in that space; it’s probably because you are pursuing something other than happiness.  For me, it was the ideals of marriage and motherhood; not the reality.  I, with all my intellectual prowess, managed to confuse perfection with happiness.  Too many make the same mistake.