“
The holidays remind people of what once was, but is no longer.”
-Stephanie D. Pearson-Davis
The holiday season is fully upon us. There’s less than one week before Christmas and I am super excited. Christmas is a family favorite. Obviously, the children love it because… GIFTS. I’ve tried to provide the giving is better than receiving narrative and they think that’s great and all, but they’re children. So yeah… YAY GIFTS!!! Hahaha!
I grew up in a house where Christmas was a big deal. I mean, multiple Christmas trees, decorations everywhere, gifts galore and the joy of the season in abundance. My mother orchestrated the production of Christmas and injected it into everyone around her. So, it still stands. The tradition is firmly planted.
Imma be honest though. Christmas stresses me out. We have four children. That’s a lot of seasonal “joy” to spread around. And it’s not even all the money. Trust— there’s a lot of it being spent. It’s the doing of it all. And I’m conflicted; right? Because I love the outcome of the doing. I even actually love the act of doing, but it is also wearing my ass out.
I’m happy. I want to spread this joy. I also want to lay TF down, binge watch Watchmen and sleep without interruption for 12 hours.
Y’all know the last three-ish months have been rough on a sista. My family is recovering and being restored, but even that is a process that requires effort and energy. During this time I also founded, It Could Be Your Kid, a 501 (C)(3) and I’m doing the work necessary to eradicate bullying. None of that is stopping life from coming at me fast. My oldest is in the college selection process, the girls who are in the middle are VERY pre-teen and teen age and the 3 year old baby boy is three to the absolute MAX.
Be clear. I am not complaining. I’m just sayin.
All of my feelings have me reflecting and thinking about how other people experience Christmas. This season, even with all the obstacles we’ve recently faced, is a very joyous time for my family. Not everyone shares that same joy. I’m writing because I want us all to consider those folks who may be struggling in the midst of our celebration.
Depression is real.
Right now, I’m not talking to people who live with depression every day. Those folks are used to being told how to fix themselves. “You just need to get out more…. You just need to meet the right man or woman… You just need to…” I’m talking to the rest of us who want them “fixed”, but don’t have proper perspective or context.
First, we need to stop trying to fix folks. Us and all our Aha! quick witted solutions. If it were that simple, it would be done. While depression is a (very complex) chemical imbalance of the brain; how the rest of us support those living with depression is a matter of the heart. Honestly, we need to talk less and do more. These days my only suggestion for people living with depression is treatment— nothing more… nothing less.
I don’t have the answers… neither do you, Sway.
What we do have is the capacity for empathy. We can support a person whose feelings and life circumstances we do not understand.
While many of us view the holidays as a joyous time; some people are immersed in grief.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again…
Grief isn’t solely relegated to the loss of life. Grief is about loss. Period.
Yes, people who are sad or living with depression this time of year may be missing someone who died. BUT… they may also be missing someone who is living. Maybe it’s an estranged family member or a friend who isn’t really a friend anymore.
This time of year reminds people of what once was, but is no longer. It highlights absence.
Consider the parents of children who are divorced. Consider the divorced parents. Those people might be happy to live separately, but they still grieve the loss of what it meant to be a family waking up together on Christmas morning. Think of people living with compromised health or mobility. Last season was difficult for me because I just had a hysterectomy and I lacked endurance. I couldn’t attend most holiday parties or help with the production of Thanksgiving or Christmas in the way I was accustomed.
While those circumstance made me sad; I was able to shake it off. What might make one person feel sadness could leave someone living with depression incapacitated and/or feeling unworthy of life.
This holiday season reach out to someone who may be grieving the loss of ANYTHING.
Also, what someone views as loss does not require your validation.
Spread love and join the fight against sadness and depression by checking on someone today. Send them a special surprise or note. Invite them to lunch or a party or a family outing. I know grief and sadness are uncomfortable. I know we sometimes think it’s gonna get on us and it might… we’re all human.
It’s a risk I’m willing to take.
Happy Holidays. I love you and… I’m glad you’re here.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences. -Stephanie