“Some days my walk on this journey looks more like a hobble, which is fine with me. At least I’m still moving.”
Stephanie D. Pearson-Davis
I started this blog as an outlet to express my talent as a thinker and a writer and also to share vulnerability. I wanted women, especially, to see a regular woman like me working through life without pretense. Sometimes, my face is beat to the gods hunny and sometimes I look like I went to bed too late and woke up too early. Whatever people see or read I want it to be the truth. So they could see themselves in me; not as something to aspire to, but as someone to immediately relate.
Truthfully though, I don’t know what people think about my thinking and the content that I share. I mean I could think about what I think they think, but that would be quite the rabbit hole. And still, I wouldn’t actually know. I would only know what I made up. I am a naturally reflective person. Most of the time it works to my benefit, but sometimes I’m too in my head looking for answers that I cannot get in there. I’m working on that.
A couple of years ago I began reading a book called The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. It is a must read that you will reference for ever. From that book I learned that anticipating the thoughts and actions of others and what those thoughts and actions mean is counterproductive to mental and emotional health. So, if I haven’t received feedback, I have no idea what people think.
So, sometimes I wonder what my readers think of my writing. Not because I’m interested in changing who I am or my perspective, but because I want people to see me authentically. I’ve told you repeated that what other people think about you is none of your business. This is still true compartmentally. Yet, I do wonder if you can want to know what people think without letting what they think inform how you exist. There’s a little point of reflection for us. Try to deconstruct why you care what people think.
I don’t know that I believe people who say, “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me.” I think we all care what people think, BUT the reasons why we care and how we use the information are what differentiates us.
Here’s what I know. I know that in my past I have judged people for being in a way that made me uncomfortable. “Why is she so loud? Why does she always have something to say about everything? Damn.” These people usually irked me. They had not attacked me or been negative toward me in any way. And yet— I was annoyed.
I realized that my annoyance was about me; not them. It was directly related to my insecurities… to my fear. I was uncomfortable because these women were free in a way that I was not. They had either consciously or unconsciously decided that how they showed up in the world was not for the comfort of other folks. In other words— Their behavior was for them; not me.
Oh! The freedom in not allowing what others think to inform how you exist.
So much of our negative knee jerk reactions are rooted in insecurity and envy. The truth is, at that time, I wished I was free enough to be me. The real kicker is that I perceived these women as free. I still don’t know the truth because I didn’t ask them and they didn’t tell me. I don’t know their intent, their mindset or their emotions. I only know how I experienced them.
That said…
Many of you read my blog and social media content. Thank you. You subjectively experience me based on your experiences and positioning in the world which is fine with me. Well, not totally fine. I don’t want you to just experience me. I want you to know me. I organically write about my personal life experiences and I how I see the world. I know that I cannot control how people perceive me. I am using this opportunity though, to tell you that— I am not sharing a creative narrative with you. I am sharing my life; for our mutual benefit.
My life is well… my life. I will continue to share it with you in the most honest way that I know. I am not perfect in any area of my life, nor am I pursuing perfection. I don’t have all the answers and I’m not trying to give you any. I just want you to love yourself and your life. Ask questions of yourself, reflect and answer your own questions.
All content creators are influencers. Many use that influence to perpetuate a life that for most folks is unattainable. Still, people don’t stop following because what they see on social is perceived to be so much better than what they actually have. I want you to know that the life you have is as good as the life of anyone else. You just need to see it as such.
Some days my walk on this journey looks more like a hobble, which is ok with me because at least I’m still moving.
I want you to find the courage to be your most authentic self and be comfortable in your own skin today; not when you reach the goal of who you want to be. The only part of what I do that I think anyone should follow directly is telling your truth. Pursue your best self. Seek the truth in every thing. When you experience someone being too loud, too opinionated, too SOMETHING— make sure you’re not projecting how you feel about yourself onto someone else.
I’m not trying to show you how to live your best life; I’m simply sharing my journey to mine in an effort to inspire you to pursue the same.
“I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences.” is more than a tagline.