“Humility isn’t about sacrificing yourself. It’s raising your consciousness to a place where you can meet people where they are.”
-Stephanie D. Pearson-Davis
I received a letter from our finance company indicating that our vehicle was uninsured. In fact, it read verbatim, “Our records indicate that insurance coverage for the above referenced asset has expired.” Well, that was news to me because someone has definitely been taking the money I send.
I called the finance company. I read the above quoted sentence and expressed my confusion. Conner, said— Conner is the customer service representative. He said, “Oh. Don’t worry. The insurance company updated their system and changed how they receive proof of insurance. So, they just weren’t receiving the notification.”
HUH?
Whhhhhy would they send me this letter like I’m the one out of order? To make a long story go away… There was never a lapse in our insurance. The finance company changed how they receive information. When I pressed Conner to confirm this, he backpedalled. He said it’s just a form letter and there are many reasons we could have received it. The letter was dishonest. They never had any reason to believe we were uninsured. They simply chose the path of least resistance. Freaked out customers would quickly verify.
My ego wanted an apology.
I did reiterate that the letter was dishonest and misleading, but I let him off the hook because I know damn well he didn’t write or send that letter. Still, I was super annoyed by the entire interaction. From the letter to the conversation with Conner. I tried to dismiss it as corporate shit, but it was more than that. I couldn’t shake the irritation.
Why?
Because I despise deflection and dishonesty. The company could have just said, “We need to verify your coverage.” Instead, they sent this raggedy ass form letter that feels like an accusation and I’m pissed. Not for nothing, there’s a piece of me that feels like maybe I’m overreacting. I was straight up stewing. And for what? Was somebody gonna pay for this transgression? Was the CEO gonna call and offer an apology complete with a plan of action to prevent integrity breaches in the future? NO.
I had to let it go because I had already expended too much time and energy. Also, in the experience I realized I was internalizing and personalizing actions based on previous experiences with people who had nothing to do with this situation.
A few takeaways:
I wasn’t wrong in my assessment of their actions.
It didn’t matter.
I was projecting.
I cannot make people own their shit.
I can only control me.
I wasn’t really mad about the letter itself. I was initially alarmed, but not mad. I became annoyed and irritated when the rep wouldn’t own that the letter was dishonest. What I quickly understood was that even though I was right; it didn’t matter. Also, Conner didn’t have the authority, awareness or capacity to apologize and I couldn’t make him. My feelings about this ultimately inconsequential situation were really about other people I have encountered in my life who are quick to deflect responsibility and refuse to own their mistakes and shortcomings. That’s projection.
I allowed myself to be triggered. I became angry and frustrated because I have not healed the places in my heart where people I have been in relationship with wouldn’t be honest and own their shit.
This is heart work, folks.
The truth is… I need to chill. I want for other people to do right so bad. I want them to do me right… To treat me how I want to be treated. Hell, to treat me like I have treated them… with love and respect. It doesn’t always work out like that. Some folks don’t have the awareness, personal autonomy or emotional capacity to own their shit. So they instead deflect and often distance themselves to avoid accountability. I have to own that I can’t do a thing about it. That ain’t my work; it’s theirs. My work includes, but is not limited to allowing people to be who they are as they are. It is not my job to fix anyone but myself. I must accept that I cannot raise grown folks.
That’s my work.
This personal evolution shit ain’t no joke. It’s constantly looking for ways to improve yourself even in situations where you are already “right”. It’s a painful process because, for too many of us, being right is emotional currency that we tie to our personal worth. What if we all gave up being right in favor of awareness and understanding? What if?
Think about that.
This was a small situation the opened up a big opportunity for continued growth because of my commitment to reflection. Try it.
Reflect and journal about an experience that ended poorly even though you were right. How would the situation have improved if you had suppressed your ego and rejected being right? What would choosing awareness and understanding have looked like? Feel free to share your reflections. Leave a comment or message me directly.
You can always find me on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter @chooseyouforyou. As always… Thank you for reading my words. I’m glad you’re here.
-Stephanie
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences.