“Cyber engagement is not a replacement for human interaction.”
-Stephanie D. Pearson-Davis
It’s Valentine’s Day! I guess you could say I’m something like a love junky. I don’t care who’s loving who. As long as the love is real— I’m here for it! So, Valentine’s Day is as good a time as any to spread love. It doesn’t matter if it’s manufactured and perpetuated by greeting card companies. I love greeting card companies and all the stuff they sell. If it brings joy; I’m all in. They can have my money.
In our current climate there is so much negativity in the world. Every news cycle is filled with death, devastation and overall decline in humanity. So, I am always shocked when people shun an opportunity to spread positivity. You know the people who make it a point to downplay all holidays. Making it a point to say that every holiday is made up for the sake of capitalism or the one’s who say I’m not doing anything for my loved one today because Valentine’s Day is every day in my life. That’s great, buddy. The rest of us love an extra, intentional opportunity to be validated and appreciated.
Why go out of your way to rain on someone else’s parade?
I, personally, find joy contagious. When I see someone else happy; I get happy too. Apparently, in cyber world it doesn’t always work like that. I think it speaks to one of the down sides of social media. I’m just saying. If you were standing around the water cooler while everyone was discussing their holiday plans, you wouldn’t use that moment to tell everyone all that is wrong with holidays. You would just stfu.
I truly wish real life social graces applied to cyber space.
It’s a weird animal; right? The whole idea is to bring people together. That idea is practical and genius. Socializing at the most efficient level. I can share pictures, thoughts and milestones with people instantly. I can meet and interact with people I wouldn’t otherwise have the opportunity to meet. When my loved one is living or traveling all over the country and world I can very easily check in with them. When my friends are ill or sad or get a new hairdo I can see it as soon as they share it.
*insert sarcasm*
Even though I haven’t laid eyes on them or heard their voice in months— It feels like we haven't missed a beat because I have been watching their lives unfold on a computer screen. And that's kinda sorta the same as seeing the light in your friends eyes before you embrace. Those cute little heart emoji's pretty much make up for the warmth you feel when you're wrapped in the arms of someone who loves you. Also, typing LMAO! or LOL! is just as good as hearing the joy and the honesty in a friends laugh; right? In summary, watching the people you love live on social media is just as good as actually being with them. Lies. All lies.
Cyber engagement is not a replacement for human interaction.
Social media in theory is an amazing tool for enhancing relationships. Too many of us are using it as the canvas for our relationships when it should only be one of the brushes we use to paint. It’s one way to manage relationships; not the only way. It’s supposed to bring us together, but the truth is that it does the exact opposite. It gives a false sense of unity because you can see what’s going on in the lives of others even when you’re not an active participant. Some of our friends are at the end of their proverbial rope and we don’t know because we’re using Facebook pictures and posts to determine their mental and emotional well being. You think you know what’s going on, but you really have no idea.
Smiling faces tell lies.
For me, it’s the difference between shopping online and walking into the store. From the comfort of your device you can see the color, size and fabric. That is good information. But… You cannot feel the weight of the material, the vibrance of the color or how it fits on your body.
You cannot window shop relationships and expect them to flourish.
To be clear, social media isn't the problem; people are. Our growing desire to make everything more convenient and accessible has transferred to how we interact as human beings. We talk about wanting deep, nuanced relationships but we subscribe to microwavable means to manage them.
I don't know about you, but my best meals have never been prepared in the microwave. Instead, my most delicious, flavorful meals have come as a result of time spent determining what kind of meal I want, selecting ingredients and prepping them. Those ingredients are then transferred to an appropriate cooking receptacle where I season, stir and check for quality until I find it to be the best version of what I intended.
Are you getting the best version of what you intended in your relationships?
Whatever you create in the microwave is still edible and will sustain you. It will get you through. So, you can continue to put off lunch dates and girls nights in favor of scrolling timelines if you wish.
Me? I don't prefer basic meals or relationships.
Human connection beyond computer and phone screens is necessary. Human beings need to touch and be touched. Your friends need to hear your voice. The people in your life need to hear inflection and tone that cannot be compensated by using emojis or typing *insert sarcasm. Make a point to minimally call someone or video chat. Me and a friend, who lives across the country, used to schedule regular coffee dates via phone. I loved it. Now, I realize we haven’t talked in a year. That’s not ok. I need to fix it.
Think about the relationships you’ve let get away because you’re window shopping the friendship. Then, do something about it. Make the phone call. Schedule the lunch date. Meet up for hugs, shared smiles and laughter. Be corny like me. Someone needs you. You need somebody.
It’s not too late until it is.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, Y’all!!!
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences. -Stephanie