“I’m not done. I’m going for it. You should too.”
-Stephanie D. Pearson-Davis
It seems that death is everywhere lately. Perhaps it’s a silly thing to acknowledge because as sure as people live; people will die. It’s just that three of my friends have attended 10 funerals between them in the last 90 days or so. Maybe that’s not a lot. Maybe… I don’t know. It just seems excessive to me.
When I think about death I try to face it pragmatically. The older you get the more likely you are to experience death. I think we all have some idea in our heads as to what old is; right? Like… The fair age of death. When someone dies at 46 we all want to know what happened. We’re certain that anywhere in your forties is unacceptable. When you get to death in the nineties you ask less questions and say they had a nice, long life.
Me? I try to tell myself that if my parents died after 90 I’d be cool with that. I’d be grateful. Ya know? In my head I see myself being all… Thank you God for all that time together and then I’d skip from the burial and sing all the way home.
Then, Stan Lee died at 95 and that truly hurt my feelings. The memories, his contributions to my childhood, my children and my adult life were significant. Clearly, ninety years ain’t gonna cut it. I guess it goes without saying; whenever my mom and dad check out— I probably won’t be heading for ice cream.
My thoughts about my parents and Stan Lee led me to this reflection: The time you get with the folks you love will never be enough. Love and time are parallel forces. No matter how much we receive it will never enough… it will never be complete.
Love and time cannot be finished.
It follows that the time we get to live our best lives for our best selves is also incomplete.
I remember when Aaliyah died. I was so hurt. I met her once, but I didn’t know her. Still, I cried and lamented on a life lost way too soon. She felt like a friend. Her swag was ridiculous, we were close in age, and everyone loved her. Her death felt… close.
The one thing that made me feel better after her death was the life she led. She came from a wonderful family. She experienced great love and she accomplished so much. Regardless if you liked her singing or acting— She did it all. Aaliyah was a successful, world renowned artist. She was going for it. She was striving to live her best life. I was so proud of her for that then… even as I failed to give myself the same gift.
Why am I writing this? What’s the point?
The point is… What are you waiting for? What are we waiting for? Lola, of Lola’s Tiger, recently wrote right here about not waiting until the new year to start that thing you want to finish. Every word she wrote was TRUTH.
When this blog went live one year ago today I impressed upon my readers that I wasn’t starting the blog because the time was right. With a husband, children, family and a thousand other responsibilities; the time would never be “right”. I had to step forward and do it anyway. I didn’t even intentionally select November 30th as a launch date. I pressed publish because I had already been sitting on this ready project for too long. I wrote a children’s book in 2006 and I still haven’t published it. I needed to give this blog to readers annnnnd to myself so that I didn’t change my mind again… so I would not betray myself.
Betraying myself…
It’s been a theme of my life that I am deliberately interrupting. There should be a masterclass on how to be on your own side. There probably is… Ha! Anyway, my biggest obstacle in life has been me. I own it. I am transparent about this because I hope it promotes reflection in someone reading. How are you getting in the way of your best life? How are you sabotaging the life you say you want? Are your thoughts and actions misaligned? Can you chunk the big goal in to smaller pieces? Hamburgers are yum, beef short ribs are delicious, ribeyes are glorious, but I could never eat an entire cow in one sitting. Think of your goals that way.
You truly do have the power to do whatever you wish. You are the source.
This year has been so fulfilling. I am the creator and author of a successful blog. I am impacting lives… not the least of which is my own. What if… what if I had not pressed publish last year? Now that I’m a year in… the thought of not having started at all is horrifying. It seemed so overwhelming to begin. Full disclosure: I still get overwhelmed. I sometimes still have to tell myself to press publish. But the joy and the peace of having this platform is greater than fear.
What goals are you delaying? What do you need to overcome to produce success?
Listen folks, there is no extra time. We only have what we have and that’s it. Then it’s over in the most permanent way. Someone went to bed last night and woke up this morning, but tonight’s sleep will be eternal. FACTS. Even when you’ve given it all you’ve got… when death comes knocking you will still believe you didn’t have enough time.
Love and time are incomplete.
Your best life is not in the future— Your best life is NOW. Wherever you are in life… now is the best time to do what you’ve been delaying. Weight loss, healthy living, vacation, forgiveness, job change, marriage, divorce, children, home purchase, therapy… WHATEVER you’ve been delaying.
Consider how you will feel in the end when you didn’t honor your gifts and the time you had with them. You have to do something now. I am well educated. My home is a hug. I have a beautiful family. My children are incredible. My husband loves me BIG. I started and maintain this life affirming blog. I am so so proud and grateful, but there’s still a lot of other shit I need to do. I’m not done. I’m going for it. You should too.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences. -Stephanie
***THANK YOU for your love and support this year. I’m gonna keep writing for all of us. Reject shame and guilt. Live your best life TODAY. #ChooseYou