I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.
-Andre Lorde
Here we go mommas! Summer is right around the corner. We're legitimately in the home stretch of the school year. I don’t know about your kids, but my children only have six weeks of school left. You know what that means; right? Drinking margaritas around the fire pit on week nights??? Well, ok now that you mention it— yes it does mean that. BUT… It primarily means that if they have six weeks of school left; we have six weeks and three days before these kids start assaulting us with whiny phrases like, “I‘m bored. It's too hot! There’s nothing to do.” And the ever popular and over used, “I’m hungry.” I swear! I think the last day of school comes with a report card and a tape worm. Geez.
And because we remember how much we loved them hanging around our legs whining the previous summer we preemptive start highlighting and circling shit in the park district booklet to fill the time. It always seems like a good idea at the time. We want our children to be happy, with their friends, doing the things they love. And we want these things for our children whether it’s July or December. Running from one place to the next day after day. The more children you have the crazier it gets. And look… I chose this life. I love this life. I wouldn’t trade this life. Still, what about me? What about you? Identifying the impact of your child’s social and academic life on you is not selfish— it’s necessary. Let no one convince you otherwise.
It's unfortunate, but some folks love to downplay the role of mothers. …Maybe that’s not fair. Some folks do not understand the intricacies of motherhood. How it stretches from the time we know our babies exist in our bellies until we leave this earth. The trips to the grocery store, the homework we don’t understand, emails to teachers, doctors visits, meltdowns and the thinking about how to make it all fit together so that joy can abound. Mothers, and those who truly love them, know I could go on and on. So, don’t allow your work as a mother to be minimized and stop overcompensating to get recognized.
Remember that time you won an award for worlds busiest mom??? No? Right. Me either. Your children cannot participate in every program offered at the park district. They cannot do all the activities their friends sign up for. It is not in your best interest or theirs. I have made this mistake. I wanted them to have a full summer. Swimming, golf, camp, play dates. You name it. They did it. And I was a miserable taxi driver the entire summer. In fact, what summer? I don't even remember it. We weren't even together. I was just shuttling them between locations. Guess what? My babies didn't like it either. I'm glad they were comfortable enough to ask me not to do that the next summer. I didn't.
Your heart is in the right place. You want your child to have experiences. I think that's wonderful, but they don't need to have every experience at the same time. You cannot attend every field trip. You should not always deliver their homework when they forget it at home. Being class mom doesn't have to be your thing. Hell, you don’t even like kids... in groups. Wait, maybe that's me. Anyway... Be strategic. Make choices. "Everything" is not a choice. Teach your children early and often-- Mommy cannot do everything. Mommy does not want to do everything. There's an important distinction and a lesson for them on your value there.
Slow down this summer. Let the activities you choose for your children be meaningful and impactful; not just to fill the time, but to fill their souls. It's doesn't matter what other people are doing. Stop checking things off your list and make memories with your babies. Don’t leave yourself out either. See if there’s a swimming or yoga class you can take. Scribble in your journal. Join the library’s adult summer book club. And finally... Get your girlfriends, your favorite bottle of whatever, order good food and giggle into the night. Summer break is for us too.
I'm not here because I'm an expert. I'm here because I have experiences. -Stephanie