Life is like random legos. Build what you want with what you have.
-Stephanie D. Pearson-Davis
Who is it that said, “Mother knows best.”? WHO? I would like to know so I can punch them in the throat. Because I’m a mother and the more I mother the more I know that I don’t really know anything. I have an idea about things. I even have some effective strategies. Knowing best?? Nah, son. That ain’t me. Not only is it not me; it’s not the women I know. Most women I know are totally unsure about what the hell they’re doing. We call each other up and go… Girl, I don’t know what the hell to do.
The only mommas who have it figured out are the ones caught up in the Martyr Mom Matrix. They’re out here in these streets doing it all. So they can say they did it all. Then, you... we can feel like crap and she can be better than us. Frankly, I think it’s a setup. Tell her she’s got it all figured out and watch her try to figure it all out.
NO. Let’s band together, save ourselves from perfection and collectively say I don’t know it all and that’s not even my goal. Let's try for mutual respect and honesty. Like, listen... I don't really know what I'm doing either, but this is what worked for us when Blake kept taking his diaper off. Here's the number for the tutor I called when number three started struggling at school. This is what I did when my tween needed to have every last word and it didn't involve me killing her.
Martyr moms, you need to lead this new movement. Yep. You need to lead the #ImAMommaNotAMagician movement because you are the ones who have worked against it for so long. Your life exists between the gym and your kids school. All you need is yoga pants, a SUV, sunglasses, skinny latte, resting bitch face and you are ready to go every day.
And your poor husband. I don’t even know if I should touch this.
The only time he feels loved is when you’re coaxing him into baby number 2 or 3 or 4. Remember, when the very thought of him used to make you swoon. Now he’s just a means to an end. Give me another baby so I can keep proving to the world the amazement that is me The Mother. He’s just a sperm machine. I’m not excusing husbands breaking covenant. I’m just saying. A man trashed his wife to me, a perfect stranger, in the Mexican food aisle of a grocery store because she didn’t see him. Now, I didn’t want his ass, but there are thirsty ass women out here who do. And he was ripe for the pickin... if you know what I mean. Love your husband like you lovin’ those kids. BLOOP.
Some of this stuff is hard to hear. I know because I've had to hear it. I am not perfect. I am not perfect. I don't want to be perfect. I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. I'm chasing joy; not perfection. A martyr mom sacrifices herself for the sake of motherhood. What makes us amazing moms is the fact that we are amazing women. You cannot be an amazing mom if you do it at the expense of the woman who came before the mother. Martyr moms are miserable women wearing beautiful masks. It's like the saying about pigs and lipstick. You're still metaphorically ugly and your life stinks.
That's it. I love you. You gotta love you... more than any thing or any one. A wise woman once said, "Motherhood is a part of you; not the wholeness of you."
I'm not here because I'm an expert. I'm here because I have experiences. -Stephanie