Some folks like to believe that domestic violence is a circumstance of a particular kind of woman. That only poor women, or weak women, or uneducated women experience domestic violence. In this highly misogynistic, patriarchal society we live in it is more important to identify the kind of woman who gets her ass beat as opposed to the kind of man who beats ass. See, the former leaves room to assign fault or blame. Once you can determine the kind of woman who tolerates abuse; you can then leverage all the reasons for which she receives regular or sporadic beatings. Because there are appropriate circumstances for a man to beat a woman; right?
I don’t know a single woman who has not experienced domestic violence. If I had to name five friends right now— 3 out of 5 are domestic violence survivors. Wait... 4. These women vary in upbringing, age, socio-economic status and education. There is no one size fits all when it comes to domestic violence. Yet, inquiring minds always want to know what precipitated the violence. How does domestic violence occur? What is the problem? Why are women overwhelmingly experiencing domestic violence? Simple answer.
It is our birthright… by virtue of being born a woman in a man’s world.
It comes down to our perceived value and the expectations for what we should endure as women. Women, in general, are not held to the same esteem as men.
—And yes, this is me the #NotAFeminist talking.
If a man assaults another man—it’s just testosterone… two guys blowing off steam. No explanations or reasonings are required. If a man hits a woman? Immediately, it’s—What did she do? What happened before he hit her? I just don’t understand why we need qualifiers. When we ask these questions we are seeking justification where there is none. It’s as if by assigning fault we can create a scenario where justification lives or another scenario where justification is unnecessary because you would never ever find your self in that situation. *side eye*
Are there caveats? Yes. But I won’t use my space here to flesh them out. If you simply read the comments under ANY article regarding domestic violence you will understand that we really only need to be discussing the urgency in which men need to stop beating the shit out of women. Further, collectively, we need to stop asking how women are participating in their abuse in any other capacity than that of a person who has been victimized. Recently, a celebrity was alleged to have beaten his partner. I was dumbfounded by the dialogue surrounding this issue. This woman apparently is deserving of her most recent assault because of the length of their relationship and the financial resources and lifestyle she is privy to as a byproduct of the relationship.
Who… WHO is raising human beings who despise women? Rhetorical. Don’t answer. Just reflect and make sure you’re not one of them.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence... If it is the first time or the hundredth-- There is no circumstance that justifies abuse. You are not alone. You are worthy of a love absent abuse. There are resources. There are people who want to see you whole. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. You are worthy.
-Stephanie