“Within the shared truth of your journey lies the courage for another woman to speak her truth.”
Stephanie D. Pearson-Davis
Iyanla Vanzant said, “A mother's greatest gift to her daughters is her story." Dr. Shaniqua Jones says, “A journey not shared is a soul not healed.” Both of their ideologies resonate so deeply with me. Share your story. Heal someone else. I have previously mentioned that I am a fairly private individual. And that's true. As I grow on my journey I am working on being less intentionally aloof, less guarded and more transparent. So now, I am both private and transparent. I’m not PRIVATE private anymore; just private(haha). Meaning, I might not share everything, but everything I do choose to share will be comprehensively true.
I know it’s hard to believe I was ever an introvert. People who know the more evolved me hit me with the incredulous face. Like… What? Who is an introvert? LOL! It’s true though. I was an introvert. I still sometimes struggle against my natural instinct to fade into the background. I have to make conscious decisions to let myself be experienced by others. And why not? I'm kind of fabulous. Hahaha! Seriously. I am.
It's just that I spent a large part of my life as a target just for being me. So, I started hiding pieces of me and until I almost wasn't anybody. It still hurts when I tell that truth. I almost wasn’t anybody. Sometimes I have to sit in that as a reflection and a reminder. I will never ever almost not be anybody again. That is why I started this platform… this amazing blog.
As I grew older, I don't know that I was an introvert as much as I was afraid to be me. I was afraid to embrace and reveal the experiences of my life that created and molded me… so much trauma there. I was afraid. I don't want fear to dwell in the heart of anyone. I started this blog to let you know that you are not alone. I see you. In your life, there is no circumstance or situation that was not experienced before it happened to you.
I remember being in labor with my first baby. I could hear women crying and screaming. I thought, Oh God! I can't do this! (because I had a choice at that point, right? lol) I was terrified. And then it came to me… Excuse me, Stephanie… millions of women have done this before you. Hello, humankind? Knowing that other women had been in this exact space encouraged me. It’s not that you find solace in folks sharing in your uncomfortable or negative or painful experience. It’s that they had the experience and made it through.
Let someone else know you made it through.
Women, we need to share our stories. Your friend is smiling every day and is devastated by things she thinks she can’t discuss with you. She’s struggling with something you can’t see. Your daughter thinks she needs to suck it up because you did. Tell her the truth… your truth. Admit you wish you didn’t have to suck it up. Tell your daughter about the mistakes of your youth. Be as specific or as vague as your comfort level will allow, but tell the truth.
Too many of us suffer in pain and silence because of perceived judgment, shame and stigma. When we speak truth by sharing our stories we normalize those things we were once ostracized and isolated by. Do you know how many times I have revealed something and heard… Are you serious, Stephanie??? Me too! Telling the truth helps you reclaim your power. It draws you to women who have yet to secure the footing it takes to stand tall and speak their truth. Truth unifies. Telling the truth says I know I am enough.
My experiences do not minimize me; they elevate me.
For most of my life I have been plagued with issues related to my reproductive health. Endometriosis has been at the forefront of those issues. Talking about "woman problems" is so taboo. Issues related to women are almost always sexualized. So they're seen as especially private. Some folks will be appalled that I would speak so candidly about this. Those folks should know I wish I had shared sooner. The sexualization of everything woman must end. It's a health issue; not a sex issue. For instance, many would disclose an appendectomy or gallbladder surgery, but few would disclose a hysterectomy.
I am.
I will undergo a hysterectomy next week. I am private. This is my business. I'm telling you because someone needs to know that “hysterectomy” is not a bad word. It will not leave you banished and alone. Do not be ashamed. I’m telling you because brave women shared their journey with me. I’ve been empowered by them to share my journey with you. What a gift! You may not know anyone else who’s been through this, but you know me. I am going through this and my life will be greatly improved as a result. You are not alone— you are unified with me. We are together in this.
Reproductive issues are so unnecessarily polarizing. As women the performance of our bodies often and unfortunately determine our worth. Reject that projection. I’ll still be “More Than a Woman” in a week(RIP Aaliyah). Your worth is not determined by the function of your immune system or your breasts or your uterus or anything else in your body.
Your worth is determined by you.
I love y’all. Truly. I love that I get to share my life in this way for the expressed purpose of improving the journey of someone else. I will not be minimized by anything that happens to me… neither should you. Be a light. Shine. Reject shame. Reject guilt. Normalize life. Tell the truth. Share your story. Choose you.
Within the truth of your journey lies the courage for another woman to speak her truth. Let someone find their courage in you. I certainly hope I have.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences. -Stephanie