"You are the most beautiful, powerful, worthy person you know"
-Stephanie
Ok. So today is the season finale of Love Is_ and I just cannot pass up the last 2018 opportunity to write about this show. I know everybody is watching it, but if you happen to be one of the people who hasn’t jumped in it’s not to late. Plus, it’s already been renewed for season two. Don’t look forward to it going away anytime soon.
I probably seem kind of passionate about this show because I am. For one, it’s a show that is largely executed by people of color. Like Issa Rae said, “I’m rooting for every body Black.” The fact that a show primarily run by Black folks is even something to celebrate in 2018 is ridiculous, but it is what it until it gets better. The other thing that drives me about this show is the women. The women are complicated, simple, flawed, intelligent, dependent, creative, powerful, naive…. I could go on and on. They are all of us in one regard or another.
I started this beautiful #ChooseYou movement which leaves me regularly analyzing the lives of other people. Considering if they are taking every moment to choose themselves and also wondering if they are penalized for doing so. Sigh…. I discovered something about myself in the process of looking at the characters from Love Is_. I love this show because I’m still thinking about if I have my final answer on some of the things I’ve questioned.
Ruby. My dear sweet Ruby. I really like Ruby. I wish I could go back in time and speak to 90’s Ruby. The Ruby who allowed a man who could not provide for her and who no longer loved her to live in her home while that man loved another woman with his whole self. And OMG the implications of her name in this story just hit me. Ruby— valuable, but still not a diamond. Nuri is the diamond. Isn’t this the way she has allowed herself to be treated? Ruby behaves as if she knows she is not enough. She is playing second fiddle to Nuri. Actually, she isn’t even second. She doesn’t place.
Her worth being whittled away by a man who has nothing to offer her; not even his sorry ass penis(I have another word, but my momma might be reading)… which at this point is his most valuable commodity. Listen, when sex is all you have in your “what do I have to offer” bank; you need to rethink your ENtire life. Heartbreak occurs when you’ve given someone every thing you have and they won’t even give you the little available to them. SMH! How hurtful. But Yasir is just Yasir-ing. Ruby must take back her power. She must determine that she is the most beautiful, powerful, worthy person she knows. That is the crux of #ChooseYou. I truly hope Ruby grew into herself as her life went on.
Angela. This woman had me rethinking what I believe about friendship and woman-ing. Angela appears to be a simple character, but she has so many layers. I took issue with her not choosing to share her writing opportunity with Nuri. Like… they’re friends, right? Why wouldn’t one friend want to help another. They would both win. Why can’t they both win? Here’s where I was soooo convicted. I was too busy rebuking her frenemy behavior that I nearly missed the fact that Norman put her in that predicament to begin with. She should never have been tasked with the decision to share or not to share the job because the job already belonged to her.
Isn’t this what often happens between women? Particularly in the workplace. Men pulling strings that shouldn’t exist. As we often say…. It is what it is. I guess I can get with Angela deciding, initially not to work with Nuri. *slight eye roll. The truth is— Angela hit her #ChooseYou dougie on Nuri and I didn’t like it. Her behavior indicated that she was the most beautiful, powerful, worthy person she knows. We MUST fight the urge to begrudge women this right because it does not fall in line with what we believe we deserve. There is enough of everything we desire for all of us. You might just have to wait your turn.
Nuri. Who doesn’t love Nuri? You might want to shake her a little, but you still love her. I would love to know her and be friends with her. (Although… I don’t think I could stomach watching her relationship with Yasir.) She’s attractive, generous, creative, empathetic and driven. She is also a doormat. Even when she is asserting herself she does it apologetically. This entire series, for me, has shown Nuri’s complete sacrifice of herself for the affection of a man. Ugh. What else do I say after that? She drives me mad. She has worked so hard for everything she has. And yet, she is willing to downplay it… to sacrifice it even… her success… to maintain this illusion of love between she and Yasir. On the last episode he punished her with silence, showed out at her job and rained on her parade on the biggest night of her career. They haven’t even been dating for 6 months!!
She still wants to see him through. Nuri wants to understand what makes him tick. She wants to help he achieve all of his dreams. She wants to lift him up. I believe Yasir is too heavy a burden for a light like Nuri. Obviously, we all know that this story ends up with happily ever after as an ending. Still, I can’t help but wonder all the hell she has been through in order to get that ending.
I would tell any woman…. You don’t owe anyone all of you. No one. Women are always charged with enduring. We are taught to be there for other people… to be a soft place to land. We are taught that we are the sacrifice. As broken as we have recently seen our sweet Nuri; she still feels compelled to put this man back together first.
Whew… that made my eyes sting.
Let us unlearn what we have been taught. May we break the cycle moving forward with our precious daughters and nieces and cousins and other lil womenfolk. Let us teach them that they are not the glue or the stitches for the brokenness of men. Instead, we will reenforce with ourselves and teach our little darlings…
You… You are not the sacrifice. You are the most beautiful, powerful, worthy person you know.
I'm not here because I'm an expert. I'm here because I have experiences. -Stephanie