Reject Guilt And Shame. Normalize Life.
2018, Career Goals, Identity, Relationships, Parenting, Self-Care, Life, Love
So, check it: I’ll be the last person to ever tell you not to aim high. I self-published ten novels in less than three years. I’ve dedicated blog posts on perfecting the side hustle. Productivity is a specialty of mine.
But if you’re running out of steam and inspiration from burning the candle at both ends, what are you producing?
Friendship, 2018, Relationships, Parenting
Fast hard truth. Our kids don’t need to be friends in order for us to be friends. Step further: I really don’t even need to see your child for us to be friends. Like we can share stories about our children… We can talk about their grades… How much we love them…. How they get on our nerves… We can even go shopping for them together. And we can leave it right there.
Love, Relationships, Mental health
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
-Dalai Lama
Somebody stiffed me y’all and I am pissed… and conflicted. I paid someone money for a product. They took my money and provided nothing. And while I am pissed; like put a cape on my ass pissed #SuperPissed, I am also feeling very sad and sorry for this individual. Before you go there— I’m being 100 percent genuine. No facetiousness. This person is a gifted artist and a gem of a human being. Period. I discovered those traits about him after many conversations and emails regarding the work he was contracted to do and life in general. So, more than I want to strangle him for leaving me high and dry; I want to wrap him in hugs and love. I think that’s what he needs most right now.
Ummm…. Stephanie? What are you saying? To be honest, a part of me isn’t sure because I’m still processing. Maybe I haven’t even let the dust settle enough, but I felt like talking to you guys about it. I think that sometimes people do stuff for inexplicable reasons. Sometimes they do it directly to us, sometimes to themselves and sometimes we catch the heat from what they thought was only effecting them. Collateral damage is more than a mediocre Arnold Schwarznegger film. His life is in shambles right now. Rather than call me, email me or write a message in the sky and say that to me; he’s hiding from me… under guilt and shame.
Now at this point we all know how I feel about guilt and shame. I rebuke it in the name of Jesus! No. Seriously. I’m no bible thumper, but I know some things. And I know that we were not created to live a life weighted with guilt and shame. Funny thing is my first thought about “the homie” was indeed anger and disappointment before I reflected on the circumstances more comprehensively. I legit had an Aha! moment like…. Dude, you have to live your message. Wait, what? Yep. You gotta BE who you say you are. I’m not gon lie I had an attitude about the revelation. I wanted to call him and go IN. Do you hear me??? IN!!! Instead, I thought about the space he might be in and the damage I might cause him by unleashing my verbal arsenal. Plus, it’s unlikely that my verbal explosion was going to miraculously cause him to crawl out of the funk of things to keep his word anyway. More than all that, I knew I could encourage, uplift and set expectations without demoralizing him or increasing his guilt and shame. I’m just not about that life anymore.
So where are we now? I haven’t heard from him. He didn’t complete the work or return my money. Still, my message to him remains… Take care of you. Take care of you. Am I disappointed and annoyed? Hella. It cost me more than the money. A lot of time and energy went in to the work we were doing together. But my heart… my soul is in tact. His is not. So hold a good thought for this man as I am. Check on your friends who are living with depression and anxiety. Be kind to folks even when they piss you off. You don’t know the road they’re on… Don’t be the car that runs them over. Peace y’all. As always #ChooseYou. Love you and see you soon.
If you or anyone you know is suffering from depression or anxiety; there's help. Do not suffer in silence. Visit www.nami.org or www.blindfaithchgo.org. Take care of you!
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences -Stephanie