“I write for women. I write for their education and elevation.”
-Stephanie D. Pearson-Davis
I don’t think it’s dramatic to say that dating is a shit show. From unsolicited penis pics to WYD texts to the rise in the acceptance of struggle dates. Oh… What’s a struggle date? A struggle date is when a man doesn’t have or refuses to spend money on an evening out. He always wants to come over and wear out your couch, insisting this is the best way to get to know one another. The truth is couch dating is the best way to get some ass with the least amount of effort.
Sis. Don’t fall for it.
I know you’re tired of grabbing new items from your friends “toy” parties. I know you’re tired of feeling embarrassed and making excuses to guests about why the tv remote is missing batteries. You want an actual man. The stand in is getting old… it’s been old. I do understand. BUT AA’s will never leave you pregnant and alone or standing outside work waiting to be picked up in your car or with anyone on your phone coming to you as a woman. In other words…
Stay sucka free.
I have previously discussed issues related to dating. As a married woman I still have perspective. Partly, because I have single friends. Partly, because I wasn’t born married and partly because I have eyes and ears. As you know, I don’t claim to be an expert. Lord knows I made some poor choices as a single woman.
TWICE, I unknowingly dated married men. The signs were there. Flashing lights is more than a Kanye song. I simply ignored my intuition and common sense. We went out regularly. This threw me off because I had no idea the boldness philanderers operate in. Who takes the side chick out in public? You would be shocked. More than once, I have bumped into a married spouse on a date without their wife.
In my case, both men had limited availability, were extremely inconsistent and I never met anyone in their family. They never met anyone in mine either, but this is still a good indicator. If you never meet their family; be wary. Friends might approve or at least go along; family members rarely do. Someone in their family will burst your bubble. I’m not saying you should be paranoid. I’m just saying pay attention. In my case, I finally started adding things up and exited quickly.
I write for women. I write for their education and elevation. So, I’m talking to my sisters about what I think I know. If you feel like I’m beating up on men; start your own blog and write about whatever you want. I promise not to come over there talking shit. Mmmmkay?
There’s no exact science to dating. For every negative circumstance I write about someone will have an opposite example that worked out perfectly. *shrug I’m just gonna tell you want I think I know.
He texts regularly, but can never talk on the phone.
This is a tell tale sign of a cheater. He lives with his girlfriend, his wife or his mother… all bad. A man who can never talk on the phone, especially at night, should be avoided like telemarketer calls. These men will usually tell you something like… I’m not a big phone person or texting is easier. On day one, let him know you don’t do ongoing text conversations. Hey bruh, we’re gonna behave like adults and enjoy audible dialogue. Texting removes personality and the nuance of inflection in tone and mood. These are vital in getting to know someone. He should follow with, “Cool. When is a good time for me to call?” If he says anything other than a variation of that— He ain’t it. Unless you’re here for the bullshit.
If he wants to see you over the phone.
If lil man says, “What are you wearing? Or “Send me a picture.”— I promise you he is the equivalent of spoiled milk. These are the same men who want to couch date. A man who is seriously interested in developing a relationship will ask you on a date to see what you look like and what you’re wearing.
Make no mistake; they all want to see. I want to see too. BUT if you send a pic you are opening a door that he will run through immediately. He will also quickly escalate requests. Eventually attempting to direct you, THROUGH TEXT, on a selfie photo shoot that includes booby and booty pics. All of a sudden your face is unnecessary.
I have kids, but they don’t live with me.
Avoid any man who tells you he has children, but quickly goes on to excitedly share that they don’t live with him. This man ain’t what the bird left on the limb. He is effectively telling a woman he just met that his children won’t cause an interruption in their dating. In other words, his children are not a priority and you, a woman he just met, are more important than them. It is meant to be a compliment. HOW SWAY? He makes babies, but doesn’t stick around to make sure they have the emotional, mental and physical benefit of his presence and you should be impressed by that. A catch he is… throwing away his children for you. He wants to engage in baby making, but not taking care of babies. Sounds like a great catch. Not!!! Throw the whole man away.
Separated; not divorced.
*SIGH*
Do not entertain this charlatan. A married person is married until they are divorced. Separated is just another way to say married. That’s not my opinion; that’s fact. Sadly, I will admit this is a polarizing topic. Many will make excuses. “We don’t even sleep in the same bed. We don’t have sex. Divorces are expensive. I don’t have time to run back and forth to court.” Dude might be a great catch. He might be telling the truth. But we’ll never know because we don’t date married men. If he can’t afford a divorce… if he doesn’t have time to run to the courthouse… How in the world could he find time or money to date you??? I meannnnnnn if he was serious about being divorced wouldn’t he want to spend every single penny and every additional minute to make it so??? EXACTLY. Close your legs to undivorced, separated, married men. #ISaidWhatISaid
I know you want to be in a wonderful committed relationship. You are tired of Netflix and chillin’ alone. Plainly stated, You want someone in your bed. I get it. Trust me when I say some man is not better than no man. Allowing unworthy people in your life will unnecessarily complicate it. You deserve better. You’re worth so much more. In the meantime, work on making yourself a better woman, until the best man for you comes along.
Also, Groupon often has great deals on AA batteries. That is not a joke. It’s information. Take care of you.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences. -Stephanie