"Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved."
-Erich Fromm
By now you know how much I love OWN’s new breakthrough hit Love Is___. This show will have you reminiscing about the missteps of your past and judging the choices the characters make for days after the show has aired. It is the best kind of television because you can see yourself or someone you know in each episode. From the first episode you become emotionally engaged which causes conflict between your heart and mind.
Most of the viewers I know watch each episode more than once to make sure nothing is missed. The show is centered around lovers Nuri and Yasir, but they could do nothing without their amazingly talented supporting cast. Last weeks episode was absolutely explosive. Yasir’s mother, played by Auntie Loretta Devine delivered a monologue of EPIC proportions. Seriously, I was in tears. Class was definitely is session.
As I watched, several themes played out. The theme of motherhood rang loudly:
A Mother’s Love
Yasir’s relationship with his mother Rose is beautiful. The fact that her name is Rose is not lost on me either. She is layered, soft and delicate, but also just rough enough to get you up off her. Anyway, you can see that the mother and son have a special bond. They laugh and talk often; even on areas where they disagree. It’s more than that though. They are friends… kindred spirits. They’ve likely held each other up and down throughout their lives together.
As I watch Yasir’s behavior as a man and the way he relates to women I understand that every thing he knows about how to treat a woman he learned from his sweet mother Rose. I also understand she failed her son in that he has no sense of the impactful nature of his actions. The things in his life that are not in order remain that way because of him. He is his problem.
His mother was so busy loving him... pouring into holes she could never fill that he only knows how to be loved. He is suffocating like water that rushes in too quickly. His idea of loving someone as an action is urgent, premature and incomplete. This is learned and reinforced behavior. His needs supersede all others.
I think mother-son relationships are often framed this way. It is said that mother’s raise our daughters and love our sons. It’s true; right? At least I think it is. We want our daughters to be strong and fortified… we want them to be able to handle themselves to not be taken advantage of… So we spend our time riding their backs, making sure they will be ok in this world. Our sons though??? "Oh, that’s mommas baby. Boys will be boys. What else does he want to eat? Don’t worry about those dishes. He’s tired. Your sister will get those." We have to stop this. I truly believe this is part of the reason so many strong willed women have difficulty finding life partners.
Momma’s we can love our boys without absolving them of life’s responsibilities. We gotta do better.
I know I said Rose failed her son earlier and she did. That being true, she is still one hell of a mother. She’s what I call a mother’s mother. Her love and light is extended beyond her own child. Like my mother, her love is transcendent. Like… A true mother is a mother. You don’t need to share biology to feel mothered by her. It’s a heart thing— A gift. Rose has the gift of mothering. This episode is proof. The climax of the episode included Rose going off on Yasir and his son’s mother, Destiny. When I say going off I mean she told them EXACTLY what they needed to hear.
The only thing that would have made it better is if she had said these things sooner. During this episode Rose literally mothered everyone she came into contact with. She was saying things they likely didn’t want to hear, but she said the words with so much love and conviction. I believe the characters were able to receive her message. In fact, I know there were people sitting up in their beds and on their couches that received a word directly from God through this show. That is exactly what good tv does. Love Is__ is good tv. If you missed this episode, finish reading this and then go watch it.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences. -Stephanie