“The happiness of your children is not more important than you.”
-Stephanie D. Pearson-Davis
Hey Mommas! I love talking to y’all. All too often we just go through the motions of trying to keep little humans alive while making our husbands feel loved. We forget to love on ourselves. So, I have a lil love specifically for you today in the form of these words.
I hope you feel validated and not judged when you come to this space. I believe whether you are a stay at home mom or a work outside the home mom; you are doing your best for your family. I’m here to share what I have learned from my collective experiences. Sometimes, I dare not say I share what I know because my perspective has varied over time with each new experience. What I know today might be very different from what I know next year.
Always leave yourself space to change your mind… and your heart.
I’m writing these words to encourage you. Superwoman and Wonder Woman are fictional characters and Martyr Mom is a trap. Super heroes are great for motivating us and for transcending womanhood into the super human, but not for emulating. As such, you can not and should not try to do EVERYTHING in your home! Eventually, you will resent EVERYONE in there. You’ll even be side eyeing the dog. Trust me.
It is irresponsible to do all the housework in a home full of able bodied individuals. Put your mini-me’s to work. They need to understand what it takes for everything in the house to GO! Groceries don’t just APPEAR in the cabinets and refrigerator. I don’t know about y’all, but there isn’t a magic fairy that puts away groceries and washes dishes at my house. So... my children do it🤷🏽♀️😂.
I love my lil babies. There are few things that bring me greater joy than their happiness, but their happiness cannot come at the expense of me. The happiness of your children is not more important that you. So, while we work hard to provide them with a particular lifestyle; they need to understand it is their shared responsibility to help maintain it… all of it.
Does that sounds harsh? It’s not my intent to be harsh, I’m just calling it like see it.
We, as parents, take special care to ensure that their lives are free from unnecessary drama and worry. My parents gave me the gift of childhood and maybe naivety too. I didn't always understand that all children didn’t live like us. So, I played outside with friends whenever the weather allowed until dark (We didn’t have street lights). I watched Saturday morning cartoons in their entirety and spent time with my family. Joy was abundant.
So was work…. There was also always plenty of work to be done and we did it..
Now, I always thought my mom was pretty special. I definitely valued her in so much as I didn't want to do things to make her sad or angry. Plus, that would have pissed my dad off and no one wanted to do that. We still don’t really want to do that.
Anyway— What I learned as an adult and as a mother is healthy relationships are more than NOT producing negative outcomes. Relationships should be about acknowledging, cultivating and producing positive outcomes. The idea of planning for success rather than simply avoiding failure. We must articulate to our children those things that bring us joy.
Yes. Mommas deserve joy.
Since children cannot purchase diamonds or executive produce trips to Cabo—we must teach them other ways to shine their light in our lives. You deserve love and support that looks like clean toilets and folded clothes- not just handmade cards on Mother’s Day. I think I just preached.
Here is something they can help with now:
Grocery Shopping. If you’re like me you prefer to leave children at home while grocery shopping. There’s no magic pill for that. I still prefer to shop alone, but it isn’t always possible. Improve your trip by giving your children responsibilities while in the store. If you give them jobs they’ll be too busy working to argue or ask for shit you say you’re not gonna buy, but do.
Give them the weekly grocery sales ad. They know what they like. Tell them to look for sales featuring their favorite items. If it’s on sale; they can have it. If it’s not on sale make them pay attention to upcoming circulars to find their item or they can choose something that is on sale.
I have four children. So, there is plenty for everyone to do. One person is responsible for the toddler and the cart. I usually stay nearby the person who has this job because… toddlers. Give another child the job of waiting in the deli line. The deli line can be a real trip… like to hell. Don’t give this job to the baby who’s less likely to speak up. Have you met women waiting at the deli counter? I have stories. SMH.
The other kids can get items from the grocery list. That means you need to make a list, Momma #NoteToSelf. If your brood moving around like this feels a bit unruly; it’s ok. Relax and release the tension and a little control. Don’t worry about the people who are looking. As long as your children aren’t touching people or screaming their heads off keep it moving.
You’re raising children; not an army.
You would be surprised by the amount of pride they will take in their respective jobs. When you get home everyone should wash and put away groceries while you point and give directions. As far as I’m concerned grocery shopping is light duty for children. You’re the one who has to pay. You will also pay if you don’t make them contribute at home as a part of your plan to have a spectacular life.
Not for nothing: If you find your peace alone at the grocery store— Live Your Life Girl! hahaha!
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences. -Stephanie