Reject Guilt And Shame. Normalize Life.
2018, Fear, Mental Health, Relationships, Self-Care, Self-Help, Abuse
I don’t know a single woman who has not experienced domestic violence. If I had to name five friends right now— 3 out of 5 are domestic violence survivors. Wait... 4. These women vary in upbringing, age, socio-economic status and education. There is no one size fits all when it comes to domestic violence.
New Year, 2018, Self-Help, Fear, Mental Health
Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, 'It will be happier.'
-Alfred Lord Tennyson
The new year is upon us. And with that comes the proclamation of all that is to come in the new year. I don’t have any fast and hard transform yourself overnight magical words to bestow. I do, however, have four solid ways to grow you from this day to the next and the next.
Be Afraid
Listen, fear is not the problem. Fear is an important emotion for us as human beings. It keeps us safe. So being afraid isn’t necessarily negative. The inability to find courage on the other hand… that is a problem. See, courage is acknowledging the fear and pressing forward any way. You will be empowered in ways you cannot imagine. I also believe you will experience a shift in other areas of your life when you tackle your fears. So, what to do? Learn how to swim. Cut your hair. Take a vacation alone. Order something new on Panera’s menu.(That one was for me.) Do a live video on social media. Murder the mic at karaoke. DO what scares you. This is your life. Let nothing keep you from every piece of it.
Make a New Friend
For many years I relished in the “No New Friends” mindset. I was legit proud of the fact that I didn’t let new people into my circle. Full disclosure: I experienced a very painful betrayal by a friend in my twenties. Add to that my lifelong introvert tendencies and Voila! “No New Friends” was a way of life. Only God knows how many wonderful people I missed out on because I wouldn’t let the love in or out for new folks. Dah well… The message here is that I have learned the err of my ways. New people have new experiences and perspectives and recipes and new brands of Moscato you know nothing about #JudgeYourOwnSelf. These new friends will remind you of spirit days at your baby’s school. They will send you an air purifier when you get sick. They will grab your kid and take them on playdates. They will help you clean the kitchen after late night parties. They will share their mommas sweet potatoes. They will lift you up and encourage you. These are only a few things my new and newer friends have done recently. And I’m not knocking old, lifelong friendships, because there's something to be said for those too. This is about allowing new folks to come in your life and love on you because you’re worth it and so are they.
Release The Idea of Perfection
Perfection is a myth. It is a lie. It does not exist. You are not perfect. Your spouse is not perfect. Your children are not perfect. Your parents are not perfect. Embrace that. Find comfort there. It’s all smoke and mirrors. If we would each tell the truth about ourselves and our experiences others would be free to do the same. Instead, folks are out here presenting a lie for their life. So you push your mess back under your bed too. Stop that. Don't hide the mess; fix it. Normalize life. Reject perfection. Pursue progress. Nothing is going to be perfect. It just needs to be YOUR best.
Mend Your Heart
In other words, get a therapist. Let me repeat. Get a therapist. Go regularly. Let 2018 be a year of healing. The idea that telling a stranger your business is a betrayal of trust or loyalty OR that it makes you weak is bullshit. Friends and family are great resources for sharing your heart. But the real truth is, as well meaning as they are; you may need to seek therapy to talk about them. That isn’t an indictment of your friends/family or their love and allegiance to you. I’m just sayin. Therapists have an entire bag of tricks to help you help you. Finally, I’ve heard a lot of people express apprehension about attending therapy, but I have never talked to a single person who attended therapy and regretted the experience. They only wished they had done it sooner. Let that sink in for a moment.
I, for one, am looking forward to the new year. New beginnings are always reason for celebration. Make a commitment to free your self to be your self. That can be a tall order if you don’t know who your self is. Also, new year new me sounds good, but thats it. It just sounds catchy. Why do you need a new you? Let it be… New year, same me, modified mindset, improved state of being. You are enough. Keep you. Throw away or revamp everything else. 2018 is your year. So were all the ones before it as will be all the ones after. All of it is yours. What will you do? How will you use these steps to grow you?
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences.