“Parents, our babies don’t always have the words, but their bodies will always tell the story.”
-Stephanie D. Pearson-Davis
My baby girl is a bright, kind and strong willed little human. She has always been decisive, honest, confident and kind. I look at her and think… I was an adult before I could stand in who I am the way she does now. She’s already better than me. Bold… articulate… funny… insightful… She can go in a grocery store with a list, come out with everything you requested and deliver instructions to an adult with no problem. It’s wonderful to watch her do her thing.
I attribute much of her personality to my activities while pregnant with her.
During my pregnancy, I was a teacher in a very dysfunctional academic environment. If that wasn’t enough(it was), we decided to finish our basement. Stephanie, why would you do such a thing??? Well, the housing market went to hell and we wanted to grow our family, but couldn’t sell our home. So we decided to increase our living space by adding a master bedroom, bath and family room.
Construction is a major undertaking for anyone at any time. Call me biased, but for this pregnant momma— Dear God! It was the worst. I spent my days reminding folks about the details of our contract and showing them how to complete jobs they said they could do before they were hired. I spent way too many of those days pissed off.
My little girl was in my belly for all of it. So she came into the world feisty. And when we brought her home that damn basement still wasn’t finished. LOL!!! My girl picked up the best traits from being with me through that ordeal.
She’s so sure of herself. Effervescent is how I describe her… so full of life. People love her everywhere she goes. And you can’t help but feel joy around her because she has it in excess.
Imagine my confusion when she became withdrawn after the school year started for third grade.
Full disclosure: She has never liked strangers. That said, no one stays a stranger for long with her.
I thought she just needed to warm up to the new school year. We were in a new grade, in a new building. Transitions can be challenging. I reasoned that anyone might need a few days to settle in. Then, things quickly escalated. She didn’t want to go to school. The final straw was when I had to go pick her up 2 days in a row because the office called me with her bawling in the background.
Up until that point I thought she was having a little separation anxiety. Which would have been standard. But, it wasn’t that she was crying. It was the way she was crying. The desperation and fear. The way she clung to me let me know that something was very wrong. This was more than separation anxiety. My girl… my effervescent star was losing her shine.
She was deeply afraid.
My 8 year old daughter was being relentlessly bullied by a child in her class while her teacher watched.
****I just had to take a deep cleansing breath because this still hurts so much. I thought I was ready to tell this story. I’m not.
The lengths I had to go to I’m order to have my child removed from the classroom of a teacher who was complicit in the mental and emotional bullying of my child is sickening. She gets headaches and stomach aches. She vomits for what seems like no reason. It is always related to school.
This is what anxiety sometimes looks like… for everyone; including children.
My daughter was changed by her experience. Though I quickly addressed the issue— I wish I had recognized the signs even sooner. I wish I had realized that headaches, stomach aches and the reluctance to engage is more than a child longing for a few more weeks of summer. It was more than my baby girl missing her momma.
A meme and Eboni Bright’s subsequent improvement of it, found here, inspired me to write this post.
Parents, our babies don’t always have the words, but their bodies will always tell the story.
As we approach this school year pay special attention to your children. Carve out time each day to ask open ended questions that develop into easy conversations. Stop asking, “How was your day?”. Instead try, “Who did you eat lunch with today?” Or “Who did you play with at recess? What game did you play together?”. A friend found out her daughter wasn’t talking to or playing with anyone all day at school. Turns out a couple of girls got together and decided no one should play with her… and they didn’t.
If we don’t ask the “right” questions; we won’t get the “right” answers.
Affirm your children every chance you get. Be specific. Write them notes. Buy special treats. The beginning of the school year can be stressful— transition always is. Allow for more time in the mornings and at night. So that you can tap into their minds and hearts in a positive manner. Many children who bully are experiencing a lack of perceived love and attention at home.
Talk to your children about acceptance, inclusion and kindness. The mental and emotional health of our children is often in the hands of other children. It might not be your child today, but life has a funny way of bringing back what we send out.
Teach your children to send out love and light to everyone.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences. -Stephanie